Please Help. My Daughter Is Terrified Of Our Dog.

[boxerfamily]

My 10 year old daughter has always been scared of dogs, we are not sure why as she has never been bitten, or had a bad experience. She can spot a dog 100's of metres away and begins to get upset, heart racing etc... No ammount of encouraging, pleading etc... has ever seen her go near a dog, let alone pat one.

In our wisdom????? we decided to get a puppy in the hope this would help her.

We decided to get a boxer pup. The breeder let us take the pup for a few hours and spend some time with her before deciding. Sarah miraculously wanted to cuddle and pat the pup, (we have the photos to prove it!), so we decided to buy her.

Fast forward 2 months and Sarah will not go near the pup (Molly), she cries even if she has to be in the same room as her. This is a disastrous situation and is breaking my heart (for Sarah and Molly). I really have no idea what to do??

I am thinking a counsellor/psychologist who specialises in dog fears could be the way to go. Any advice would be appreciated. We are in Sydney.

Thanks.

[Lady Flying Furball]

Is the pup really boisterous or nippy?

My friend got a pup for their nine year old and she got totally overwhelmed (the daughter) by the pups jumping and nipping. A trainer came in to show them all what to do and her Mum gave time out and just kept them separate for a while until things settled with the training.

I'm not at all suggesting this as the solution but wanted to throw it in... I hope you find a way. A good trainer is worth tonnes for getting the kids involved in a positive way.

[boxerfamily]

Thanks flyingfurball. She is a bit jumpy, not really nippy though, but I don't think this is the problem, she won't go near her even when she's asleep, on someones lap, on a lead etc...

[sas]

I don't think some councilling would hurt, she has some anxiety which isn't a nice feeling so some help with that would be good.

Is she truely terrified or using the behaviour because it 'works'?

Edited May 11, 2010 by sas

[Simply Grand]

Oh, boxerfamily, what a difficult situation.

I actually agree with FlyingFurball, a good dog trainer could go a long way in helping with the situation. Interestingly (or maybe not?) the psychological research and theories behind human and dog behaviour are not that different, at least at the more basic levels, so someone who has a good understanding of motivation, behaviour, conditioning, body language etc could really help both the human and canine members of the family understand each other and fit in together.

Maybe try that first - and it could take a few sessions for the whole family - but if that doesn't work, quite possibly a session or two with a psychologist could help as well. Don't feel too woried though, all sorts of things can interact to manifest in a fear of a particular thing/situation, it will probably be quite easily fixed, just a matter of understanding.

[boxerfamily]

sas, she is genuinely scared, her heart pounds and she gets so upset.

saxonpup, thanks for the advice. Can you reccomend someone in Sydney, we are in the Hills District.??

[~Shepherd~]

What is she like at a kids animal farm?

Is it just your dog

Is it other animals?

Who is the dogs master?

Do you go to obedience?

Just want a bit more background please

I have kids and dogs. I have visiting friends with scared kids.

[Cosmolo]

What have you tried so far to improve the situation?

[_PL_]

Yes talking therapy wouldn't hurt - to dig a bit deeper.

I'm not saying it's the case but if your dog and any dog is triggering such a distressing reaction without actually doing anything except being nearby ... in her young mind maybe she funnels all her stress to something tangible.

[~Shepherd~]

It could be a 'control' situation for your daughter, Younger kids dont really have the awareness and fear factor so if they grow up with them (dogs) they are pretty steady around them. As kids get older they have a much greater awareness of danger but dont necessarily have the ability to break down or assess the situation. Your daughter may feel that she is not in control of whats happenening and its freaking her out. Youngs pups are difficult for even an adult to feel in control of so she may be feeling totally intimidated.

Throwing a ball is controlling the actions of the dog as is leading it around the house, getting it to sit with treats.

Do you feel like you have any control over the pup or is it left to its own devices a lot of the time? If you could prove your control it may be a good step forward for your daughter, and getting her to control some actions in time will assist. Crate training is also control, have you considered this?

I have had kids who are nervous at my house control my dogs in short spurts. We then just leave it and do something else totally ignoring the beasts whilst they are in their beds. When they leave I like them to try and sit my dogs and do a shake. Its worked for now.

Kids also are usually a reflection of their parents. Nervous, jittery, yelling, out of control or obviously not sure how to manage a situation a what little kids witness. They then adopt these traits most of the time. Calm quiet and controlled is the image you need to portray for now, even if you are not feeling like that.

[Earthdog]

Chewbacca, the OP said her daughter is scared of ALL dogs.

Is she anxious only regarding dogs?

[Dogsfevr]

How did she react around the breeders adult dogs??

We get the occasional parents out with similar issues but i will be honest & say we wouldnt sell to them until they seeked help before the dog came home ,some brought elsewhere that didnt always end well & others returned to us when the child had received help,unfortunately getting a dog without help to the problem doesnt work.

I guess the main thing you need to ask yourself is it affecting the pup or the future living arrangements this dog has??

If in 6 months time she is still terrified will you still have the dog or would you consider rehoming??

I only ask this because in all honesty if you feel the situation wont be sorted soon you need to consider the dog just as much & not play a waiting game with it .

The dog can also start to build a fear of your child reactions & either play up more or fear her .

I think its time to have a serious talk about whether this is the right time to have dog at home & consider the pros & cons

I will add at the show on the weekend a parent brought there young daughter down to the show to see the dogs & it was very obvious to all she was totally terrified of the dogs to the point of looking like having a panic attack.

Unfortunately some of the dogs body language & reaction to her fear wouldnt have helped her because she scared the dogs others thought it was a game & tried to leap & jump.

I guess in the end you now your daughter best & the dog & your household & can determine what the next 14 years may be like keeping in mind your pup will grow quickly & become more powerful & in your face which Boxers are,very touchy/feely & people dogs

Edited May 11, 2010 by showdog

[Swizzlestick]

I tend to agree with showdog.

Well said

I know your intentions were good with a pup and your daughter, but I wonder if a very calm mature dog would have been a better option. Although at this stage she sounds like she will still be terrified now matter how calm the dog is.

If you do rehome the boxer pup, and in the future (if at all) your daughter can cope living with a dog, maybe an older greyhound would be good. Most are not too bouncy, tend not to lick faces/jump up, are usually very gentle around children. Still quiet a big dog though, and of course would have to suit the living arrangements and the rest of the family too.

Hope what ever you decide works out for the best. Good Luck

Edited May 11, 2010 by Sir WJ

[Lucy's mama]

Oh your poor daughter. Fear is such an awful feeling, especially when you know it is unwarranted but still can't control it.

In all honesty, for both the pup's and your daughter's sake, I would think about rehoming the pup sooner rather than later. Get some help with your daughter first, then maybe try rescueing a smaller breed, older dog. That way you can know before you bring it home that it is suitable for your daughter and will not grow into a scary, boisterous, bigger dog.

Sorry you are experiencing this.

[Clyde]

With a timid daughter there is no way I would have chosen a Boxer. They are larger than life, bouncy dogs.

I would rehome your large breed pup and look at getting a small, quiet breed which will give your daughter more confidence.

I am surprised the breeder sold you one to be honest. I'm sure you are fantastic owners but to me, it's a recipe for disaster.

[~Anne~]

I agree with Clyde. A smaller and calmer breed would have been a more suitable choice. I also really believe your daughters needs to see someone about her phobia or she will never overcome it. Before deciding on what to do with the puppy, I would look at professional help for your daughter. It may very well be that part of the therapy to help her overcome her irrational behaviour is to be in close proximity to a dog.

Edited May 11, 2010 by ~Anne~

[Bilbo Baggins]

I feel that your daughter needs thearapy as this behaviour may transfer to something else.

I suggest check out a child pyschologist. Westmead Hospital I am sure they would have one.

In fact I just Googled Child Pyschologist New South Wales and heaps came up.

[Starkehre]

With a timid daughter there is no way I would have chosen a Boxer. They are larger than life, bouncy dogs.

I would rehome your large breed pup and look at getting a small, quiet breed which will give your daughter more confidence.

I am surprised the breeder sold you one to be honest. I'm sure you are fantastic owners but to me, it's a recipe for disaster.

+ 1

Also, being that none of us here can see what sort of a handler you are with this pup, it is really difficult for us to suggest help regarding what to do around the home.

As others have already mentioned, I too am of the opinion that perhaps there needs to be more calmness created by the adults in a general sense and a lot more calm, structured handling of the dog. With the child having these issues, there needs to be even more handling of this dog in a calm, controlled manner than in any other pup in household situation. ie pup laying quietly on mat, pup in crate, pup in house on leash. Lots of quiet sitting and stays in down position. Very difficult for any pup, let alone this wonderfully lively breed, but something that is a must to embark on if there is any chance of the child over coming this fear.

I also recommend getting your girl some councelling/psychology.

It is going to be a huge task to take on. Probably doable. but, if you are not up for the hard yards, perhaps rehoming the pup might be best for all concerned.

Just MO

Edited May 11, 2010 by dyzney

[persephone]

With a timid daughter there is no way I would have chosen a Boxer. They are larger than life, bouncy dogs.

I would rehome your large breed pup and look at getting a small, quiet breed which will give your daughter more confidence.

I am surprised the breeder sold you one to be honest. I'm sure you are fantastic owners but to me, it's a recipe for disaster.

+ 1

Also, being that none of us here can see what sort of a handler you are with this pup, it is really difficult for us to suggest help regarding what to do around the home.

As others have already mentioned, I too am of the opinion that perhaps there needs to be more calmness created by the adults in a general sense and a lot more calm, structured handling of the dog. With the child having these issues, there needs to be even more handling of this dog in a calm, controlled manner than in any other pup in household situation. ie pup laying quietly on mat, pup in crate, pup in house on leash. Lots of quiet sitting and stays in down position. Very difficult for any pup, let alone this wonderfully lively breed, but something that is a must to embark on if there is any chance of the child over coming this fear.

I also recommend getting your girl some councelling/psychology.

It is going to be a huge task to take on. Probably doable. but, if you are not up for the hard yards, perhaps rehoming the pup might be best for all concerned.

Just MO

+2

[boxerfamily]

Thank you everyone for your advice, I really appreciate it.

So many questions.. I think my hubby and I are pretty calm with the pup, but we are not professionals by any means, this is the first dog either of us has owned. We have read all the books, done puppy preschool, and planned on going to obedience from 6 months.

I havn't wanted to think about re-homing Molly, but am now beginning to realise that we could have made a big mistake and maybe this is the best option for everyone. We naively thought that Sarah would just get used to having a dog and get over her fears, but this hasn't happened at all. Now Sarah is not comfortable in her own home, and Molly is not getting the family experience she needs or deserves. This is a horrible situation.

I am really worried about our 3 boys who love Molly, and how they are going to feel towards our daughter if Molly goes, and the guilt Sarah will feel on top of her anxieties. I have actually toyed with the idea of rehoming her in secret and telling the kids she ran away??? but I don't really like the idea of lying to my kids.

If we were to find a new home for her, how exactly is the best way to do that?? She is such a gorgeous dog who loves everybody (humans and dogs, and our chickens!).