mantis Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 I am under a lot of stress because of money worries, but no excuse with what I did tonight. I came home tonight to find Kenny had chewed & scattered my socks & undies every where, he hasn't done that for three years, I thought seeing as he was nearly twelve he wouldn't do it any more. So I got really angry & yelled at him so much, that he rolled on his side & had a scared look on his face, I immediately saw how much he was upset, so I tried cuddling him to say I was sorry, but he pulled away & still two hours later, he won't let me pat or cuddle him without pulling away. How can I let him know that I still love him, even though I lost the plot? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elsha_UK_AU Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 I don't know Kenny's story (ie if you have had him from a pup etc) but I would continue as normal and let him come to you when he is ready. If you start offering treats and going out of your way to indulge him, he may think that a) he was naughty and got told off b) that he was angry/upset at you and c) that you will then indulge him to make up. Anyway just my opinion, but go about your normal business and he should come up to you when he is ready. Susan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snout Girl Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 aaw mate dont be too hard on yourself, you're only human. our emotions get the better of all of us at times. my dad has a favorite saying that might apply here: lock your wife and your dog in the boot of your car for 2 hours and see who is glad to see you when you open it your dog loves you unconditionally, he will have a little sulk but he will be back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simply Grand Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Oh Mantis, how hard for you I've been thinking a lot today about how precious that bond between our dogs and us is. Don't worry, I'm sure you haven't lost that with Kenny. I don't think you should pressure him at all, he knows you love him, he's probably just confused about what happened. I'd suggest act pretty much as usual, but maybe with a bit of extra happy talking and telling him he's a good boy, maybe some food treats, and when he approaches you a gentle lead in to a game he likes. Don't feel too guilty, everyone loses their temper sometimes, especially under stress. He will be ok and he knows you love him, and I think he'll feel most comfortable when things are just back to normal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haven Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Honestly if you try and make it up to him by acting differently and offering concessions you wouldn't usually allow you will just freak him out and make him feel worse. Just act normally, if you act like something is out of the ordinary you will only make him more anxious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blacklabrador Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Just act normally and ignore him a bit. That will reestablish trust quicker than acting all guilty with him. He will want food sooner or later . Dogs don't hang on to stuff like us humans do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mantis Posted April 25, 2010 Author Share Posted April 25, 2010 I don't know Kenny's story (ie if you have had him from a pup etc) but I would continue as normal and let him come to you when he is ready. If you start offering treats and going out of your way to indulge him, he may think that a) he was naughty and got told off b) that he was angry/upset at you and c) that you will then indulge him to make up.Anyway just my opinion, but go about your normal business and he should come up to you when he is ready. Susan My ex owned Kennys mum & he was one of 13 pups he was stillborn, but I managed to bring him back to life, but because he was the runt, I had to hand raise him, so we have always had a special bond the reason I am angry with myself. He's always had separation anxiety & chewed lots of couches, beds, doonas & clothes, but I just accepted it. I never went off like I did tonight, he still is shying away from me, it is so upetting, because I love the big boofa, I shouldn't have lost the plot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sas Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 (edited) You went off at him which was unstable and then you tried to cuddle him which probably made you look even more unstable....remember he's a dog not a child....just ignore him for a bit to take the stress of him....i.e. ignore him until he's happy to wander around being close to you again...that could be a full day of no eye contact etc and just giving food and water.....you're really going to have to prove you're capable of being the leader to the dog. The seperation anxiety could be a result of the confused relationship. Wishing you all the best. Edited April 25, 2010 by sas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erny Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 (edited) You went off at him which was unstable and then you tried to cuddle him which probably made you look even more unstable....remember he's a dog not a child....just ignore him for a bit to take the stress of him....i.e. ignore him until he's happy to wander around being close to you again...that could be a full day of no eye contact etc and just giving food and water.....you're really going to have to prove you're capable of being the leader to the dog.The seperation anxiety could be a result of the confused relationship. Wishing you all the best. I agree with what Sas has written. Especially but not only the part I've highlighted. Apart from anything else, ok ..... you yelled at him. It's done. Maybe it wasn't exactly the right thing to do (or perhaps it was) but you might as well let it sit for what it was and see if it has the desired effect for the next time you go out. Perhaps Kenny will now think twice about a repeat of his socks and undies rampage. Stop bashing yourself up about it. You don't think most if not all of us have not in some way 'lost it' and done a little barney before we've realised we need to suck it back in? LOL .... we're human, even though we try our best to be dogs . Kenny will bounce back. But you need to go back to normal first. As Sas said, be a leader to Kenny ..... he's looking for that, not cuddling. Go get him and take yourselves out for a walk. And you lead that walk as it's yours. Bet you anything things'll be back to normal by the time you return. Oops! Just realised the time. Don't go out for a walk if it is not safe for you to do so . Edited April 25, 2010 by Erny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mantis Posted April 25, 2010 Author Share Posted April 25, 2010 You went off at him which was unstable and then you tried to cuddle him which probably made you look even more unstable....remember he's a dog not a child....just ignore him for a bit to take the stress of him....i.e. ignore him until he's happy to wander around being close to you again...that could be a full day of no eye contact etc and just giving food and water.....you're really going to have to prove you're capable of being the leader to the dog.The seperation anxiety could be a result of the confused relationship. Wishing you all the best. The separation anxiety has been going on since he was a pup, he stopped doing it when he was nine until tonight, there hasn't been a confused relationsship. Good news, Kenny just came up & licked my hand & we had a cuddle, so he has forgiven me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jata Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 aaw mate dont be too hard on yourself, you're only human. our emotions get the better of all of us at times.my dad has a favorite saying that might apply here: lock your wife and your dog in the boot of your car for 2 hours and see who is glad to see you when you open it :D your dog loves you unconditionally, he will have a little sulk but he will be back I am guessing it would not be me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jata Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 You went off at him which was unstable and then you tried to cuddle him which probably made you look even more unstable....remember he's a dog not a child....just ignore him for a bit to take the stress of him....i.e. ignore him until he's happy to wander around being close to you again...that could be a full day of no eye contact etc and just giving food and water.....you're really going to have to prove you're capable of being the leader to the dog.The seperation anxiety could be a result of the confused relationship. Wishing you all the best. The separation anxiety has been going on since he was a pup, he stopped doing it when he was nine until tonight, there hasn't been a confused relationsship. Good news, Kenny just came up & licked my hand & we had a cuddle, so he has forgiven me. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jed Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Mantis, he'll get over it. He has the irrits with you big time because he thinks you were unfair. Carry on as usual, but respect his right to give you the cold shoulder. He'll come around, and sooner than you think. He'll go "old bag is usually pretty good, didn't I read somewhere in Womens Weekly about irrational behaviour because of the menopause or pmt or something? Must be that, can't be anything I'VE done, so it's coz of her, so I'll have the s##ts for a bit and then get over it when I've given her the business a bit" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemesideways Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Mantis, he'll get over it. He has the irrits with you big time because he thinks you were unfair. Carry on as usual, but respect his right to give you the cold shoulder. He'll come around, and sooner than you think. He'll go "old bag is usually pretty good, didn't I read somewhere in Womens Weekly about irrational behaviour because of the menopause or pmt or something? Must be that, can't be anything I'VE done, so it's coz of her, so I'll have the s##ts for a bit and then get over it when I've given her the business a bit" Kennys reading Womens Weekly? No wonder he chewed up the socks and undies!!!! I would too if I read that stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdierikx Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Do you think that maybe Kenny did what he did because he's picking up on your stress and he needs to get his out? I've found that sometimes if I'm feeling particularly crappy, sitting with one of my dogs, or taking them out for a play at the park can work wonders for feeling better... Don't beat yourself up over it - I'm sure we've all done exactly the same thing at some point... and Kenny will get over it... T. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hetzer Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 When you got angry at Kenny, he obviously didn't have a clue what you were angry about. All he could do was attempt to appease you in your emotional state. And since he's clever, he's being cautious because he doesn't want another dose of that manifested anger. He could probably sense tension and suspect "over-eagerness" in your overtures to atone - in other words, not your normal behaviour. I don't think you can "make up" for what happened. The best thing in my opinion is just to assess what happened, which is exactly what you've done, and be wiser for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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