Ideas For Ways To Bond More With My Dog

[FranVT]

I would love to have some opinions on this. Please don't flame me, I really don't feel that I've done anything wrong I just need some advice. If I have done something wrong I'd really like to be gently informed though

I got Luuka at 10 weeks of age just before Christmas. She's an absolutely lovely puppy! I have had hardly any problems with her at all. We started at puppy preschool in February but I really didn't click well with the instructor and felt basically ignored because Luuka was already fairly up to speed with everything we were doing (sit, stay, drop, heel etc) so I stopped going and continued on with my own training.

My "issue" is that although I love Luuka so much, I don't think she likes me. She gets really excited when I get home but she doesn't follow me around much, if I go to play fetch with her she will play for abit then sort of just drop the toy and wander off in search of something else to do. She sleeps in my room every night tummy-down on the tiles, sometimes I put her in bed with me when I go to bed for a cuddle and she is happy for awhile then wants to get down on the floor (it is cooler for her there, no problem). I walk her and she has fun but it just seems like she could take-or-leave the contact we have. She seems aloof.

Is this because she's a bitch? I've never owned one before I think part of the problem too (my problem, not hers) is that Atlas and I were immediately inseparable from the start, and he was a big snugglebum and only ever wanted to be with you no matter where that was. So I think I can't help but feel rejected because Luuka is not like that.

I always make sure I'm the one to feed her, I'm living with mum and her gf but I told them it's really important that I feed / walk / train her because I won't be there for too much longer. She gets along really well with mum's collie.

So I just want to know if I'm doing anything wrong, or if there's anything else I can do? Am I just being ridiculous? Is this just her personality? I'm actually tearing up as I write this, because she's such a lovely dog I just don't know what more I can do to bond us?

Advice is really appreciated.

[Dame Aussie]

I think it's just her personality Fran. Lili was a bit like this when she was younger but lately she has turned into a limpit....follows me around everywhere and always wants cuddles.

I think all dogs are different and she just sounds independent. I don;t know that much about the breed but maybe they are like that by nature?

You haven't done anything wrong, she sounds like a happy, well adjusted puppy

I have heard people saying females aren't as sooky and cuddly as males, not my experience but it does seem to be a lot of peoples.

[kirst_goldens]

Oh! don't feel sad it will come i have little to no advice for u but i really feel for u, she will come around and she isnt rejecting u she is just a baby u have all the time in the world together... Cheer up Im sorry u feel so rejected it isnt a very nice feeling

[pie]

My boy is a bit like this too, quite independent, he was my first puppy so I was pretty excited and I think I made it worse by smothering him a bit

He doesn't follow me around much either, prefers to curl up in his crate or outside.

He has been better since I got Trixie because she is a velcro dog and will take all the smothering I can give so he has a break from it.

I know what you mean about the rejected feeling though But different dogs have different personalities.

Sorry I don't have much advice, just wanted to sympathise

Are Spitz Breeds / Lappies generally aloof?

[sas]

Just sounds like her personality, I wouldn't take it personaly.

I only recently started to bond with my boy and he's nearly 3.

[NZVizsla]

Hi Fran,

My boys are the opposite; I constantly have to separate them to prevent them from getting separation anxiety, as the bond is so intense.

So be glad for that!

I love my boys, but am now realising what a good bitch is and how nice it is to have them.

They definitely keep your ego on the down-low

From a training perspective I'd work on getting her to crave and enjoy your company. You've got to be more exciting than a Lab puppy, or rather a Lab puppy's butt, that's high you have to be valued.

Whenever she is having fun with you, stop it abruptly and leave her wanting more. :p

Edited April 8, 2010 by NZVizsla

[FranVT]

Thanks so much everyone, I feel a lot better already. I think what made me feel really bad was talking to mum last night I said "one day I'd love to have another bull terrier, they're such a great breed I have so much respect for them" and she said "well why don't you leave Luuka with us and get one?" and I know she was just making an offhand remark but it really struck me right in the heart and I got really upset. I don't want to leave her I love her! It never even crossed my mind!

I really want to spend more time doing fun stuff with her, we went to the beach the other day and god we had a blast, she has absolutely no fear whatsoever, my friend brought his Great Dane and Great Dane x who were the loveliest big goofballs, they all had the best time, she was running around in the surf and they were bowling her over accidentally - she didn't mind at all. She and the boy (named Hammer, because he's "dumb as a box of"! God he is a lovely boy) were playing fetch, of course he would beat her to the Kong but when he got there she would bark her head off so he'd get a fright, drop it and run away so she could get it She's so clever.

So I want to do more stuff like that I guess not just the usual walks.

[megan_]

My girl hopped off the bed last night and went to sleep in the lounge - I was heartbroken!

It could be because she is a bitch (my girl is happy to see me, but only follows me if she thinks there may be food), her personality or a combo of both.

My boy would graft himself to me if he could...

[macka]

Hey Fran

I don't think you are being ridiculous at all. It is totally natural to want to bond with your dog and to feel upset if the bond isn't as strong as you had hoped it would be.

Have you thought about maybe doing agility/flyball or some other activity together? Sounds like maybe you just haven't found the one thing that you both love to do? Some dogs just aren't that into fetch but if it's something you really want to do with her you could work on building her drive for the ball? I would also suggest lots of physical contact of the type she appears to enjoy. Many dogs don't like being patted on the head (for example) so work out what she likes. You may also find the dynamics will change when you move and there aren't other dogs & people around.

But some dogs simply are more aloof, less snuggly, more independent than perhaps we would like. That doesn't mean she doesn't like you (I'm sure she does actually!!) It just means she is a strong, independent, confident soul! Bonding with her will take time, remember she is still only a pup!

[laeral]

Fran,

I had a same situation with my current GSD girl. She was not a smoochy puppy, didnt even like being cuddled. I had to cuddle her when she was asleep otherwise she would move away from me

She always wanted to be around me and would follow me like a shadow but wouldnt cuddle or show affection in the traditional sense. She didnt want to sleep in my bedroom but out in the loungeroom on her own. (I did feel a little rejected )

It used to upset me a lot. Sometimes I would think she didnt like me and while I loved her to death, I just didnt feel like we bonded that well.

Eventualy I had to just get over it accept that she wasnt a cuddly puppy and that her not wanting to be cuddled wasnt a rejection of me, just that she was VERY independant and confident dog. It was just her personality. She really did 'love' me but just didnt show it in the more normal way a dog would show affection. Does this make sense???

Dont take it personaly, she just sounds like an independant and confident little girl. Over time you will get that bond, Mica and I did. It took time but we have worked out our relationship and she is now my best friend. It just may take a little longer to get that bond.

ETA I think we need a photo of the little girl!

Edited April 8, 2010 by laeral

[KnucklesDutchnUs]

Knuckles was a very independent puppy as well, she LOVED our older dog Thorn and enjoyed cuddles for a bit then would decide she'd had enough and wander off.

I was a bit upset by this when it was happening because Thorn loved cuddles and all the attention he could get.

Now Knuckles is almost 2 ( where has the time gone?) and is now the BIGGEST snuggle bum in the world.

We have a morning routine, when I get up she does too solely for a cuddle and then goes back to bed with OH and Dutch as I continue to get ready.

She is also very talkative in the evenings, telling us that we're not paying enough attention to her

My sister had the exact same thing happen with her bitch too.

It's just a puppy faze I guess, you're not doing anything wrong I would just give her time and let her grown up and appreciate your love.

[poodlefan]

I think you may be experiencing "Spitz temperament" at work. They aren't as effusive as some dogs.. that doesn't mean they are less loyal or loving.. they're just not as extroverted in showing it. They are simply there.

Bitches can be a bit more aloof than dogs in some breeds too.

I found adding a Whippet after poodles that its a bit the same. Hounds are different. Poodles don't just want to be with you, they want to go everywhere you go. Howie's happy to take himself out for a sunbake or to bed when he's tired. The poodles are always in the same room I am.

Doesn't mean Howie won't scream like a big girl if I dare show another dog though.

She is what she is Fran. Enjoy the fact that she's happy to do her own thing too - does make life easier in some ways.

Edited April 8, 2010 by poodlefan

[dee lee]

Oh Fran, I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

Is it possible your recent breakup and living back at your mum's might be making you feel more sensitive about this? As well as you missing Atlas?

Actually, I imagine the Atlas factor is massive for you- and I expect that you wish Luuka could be more of a comfort.

I know thats how I would feel. When I'm sad all I want is doggie cuddles

I hope she is just being a silly puppy and grows out of it- I'm sure you will bond with time.

Whenever she is having fun with you, stop it abruptly and leave her wanting more.

I think thats a good idea. :p

Also, I dont know if you have done this already but try only giving affection when you instigate it.

Ignore her if she comes for pats, then after she has wandered off, unsatisfied, call her over, get her to sit and then give her a good rumbling pat session.

Another piece of advice I once got was to withhold affection for 2 weeks, only praising and patting when training or out walking.

I was never good at that, :D why have a dog if you cant cuddle it?

[Bjelkier]

She sounds like a happy, well adjusted little dog.

Could just be this is who she is.

My two are different.

Mistral is obsessive about cuddles, he follows me everywhere, has to bed on my lap. I actually find it annoying sometimes.

Alchemy is totally different. She is happy for cuddles on her terms but otherwise does her own thing (bless her, she gives me breathing space!)

In Samoyeds you will often find the dogs are more snuggly and people crazy then the girls. I don't know if its the same in Lappies but it wouldn't surprise me if it was.

If you are ever in dire need of a cuddle I will send Mistral up to you, you will be sick of it by the end of the week

[SparkyTansy]

Harsh reality is that sometimes, we dont always bond as well with some dogs. Not saying that this is the case, but it does happen. Doesn't mean that you love them any less and doesn't mean they don't see you as part of their life, just that they are very happy to co-exist with you, but that they are well adjusted enough to do other things as well.

I have a cling bitch... i can't take my other dogs out without taking her because she screams the house down... but that is her breed and it's very common. It may be common for her to be the way she is too. I think perhaps accepting who she is will probably help you bond with her. Eventually you will know exactly what she likes, what she doesn't like, and you will find that the bond was always there.

In saying that, my cling bitch was quite an independant puppy... she became clingy and sooky after her first season.

[luffy4688]

Bailey is no where near the cuddly type as well.

He loves to follow people around the house, that's pretty much it.

He'll come to us if he wants a cuddle or a scratch, if not he prefers if you do not cuddle him too much.

He has a choice to sleep on the bed with me, but he pretty much prefer sleeping anywhere else except on the bed with me.

[FranVT]

Hey Fran

I don't think you are being ridiculous at all. It is totally natural to want to bond with your dog and to feel upset if the bond isn't as strong as you had hoped it would be.

Have you thought about maybe doing agility/flyball or some other activity together? Sounds like maybe you just haven't found the one thing that you both love to do? Some dogs just aren't that into fetch but if it's something you really want to do with her you could work on building her drive for the ball? I would also suggest lots of physical contact of the type she appears to enjoy. Many dogs don't like being patted on the head (for example) so work out what she likes. You may also find the dynamics will change when you move and there aren't other dogs & people around.

But some dogs simply are more aloof, less snuggly, more independent than perhaps we would like. That doesn't mean she doesn't like you (I'm sure she does actually!!) It just means she is a strong, independent, confident soul! :p Bonding with her will take time, remember she is still only a pup!

Hehe, she loves being scratched on the tummy she goes mad for tummy rubs!

I really want to do agility with her but I've been told I can't until she is 18 months old?

Fran,

I had a same situation with my current GSD girl. She was not a smoochy puppy, didnt even like being cuddled. I had to cuddle her when she was asleep otherwise she would move away from me

She always wanted to be around me and would follow me like a shadow but wouldnt cuddle or show affection in the traditional sense. She didnt want to sleep in my bedroom but out in the loungeroom on her own. (I did feel a little rejected :D )

It used to upset me a lot. Sometimes I would think she didnt like me and while I loved her to death, I just didnt feel like we bonded that well.

Eventualy I had to just get over it accept that she wasnt a cuddly puppy and that her not wanting to be cuddled wasnt a rejection of me, just that she was VERY independant and confident dog. It was just her personality. She really did 'love' me but just didnt show it in the more normal way a dog would show affection. Does this make sense???

Dont take it personaly, she just sounds like an independant and confident little girl. Over time you will get that bond, Mica and I did. It took time but we have worked out our relationship and she is now my best friend. It just may take a little longer to get that bond.

ETA I think we need a photo of the little girl!

Ooh yep okay give me a sec!

Isn't she the prettiest?

She is independent and confident, that's for sure, and for that I am grateful because sometimes I do work really long days!

I think you may be experiencing "Spitz temperament" at work. They aren't as effusive as some dogs.. that doesn't mean they are less loyal or loving.. they're just not as extroverted in showing it. They are simply there.

Bitches can be a bit more aloof than dogs in some breeds too.

I found adding a Whippet after poodles that its a bit the same. Hounds are different. Poodles don't just want to be with you, they want to go everywhere you go. Howie's happy to take himself out for a sunbake or to bed when he's tired. The poodles are always in the same room I am.

Doesn't mean Howie won't scream like a big girl if I dare show another dog though.

She is what she is Fran. Enjoy the fact that she's happy to do her own thing too - does make life easier in some ways.

That's so true, it does make life easier, and I have a feeling it will be better for when I move out into a place either on my own or with friends - she won't feel as anxious about me being away. I know what you mean about poodles, my mum and her (long-time ex) girlfriend had a brother and sister from the same litter, Milton was "ours" and Cossette (the bitch) was very bonded to mum's ex but never to us. But Milton was the most loving dog you could imagine, he passed away a couple of years ago at 14 years old of heart failure :p They have a toy poodle now who is the boss of the house, not that Luuka pays him any mind whatsoever.

Thanks guys I really feel so much better now :p

Oh Fran, I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

Is it possible your recent breakup and living back at your mum's might be making you feel more sensitive about this? As well as you missing Atlas?

Actually, I imagine the Atlas factor is massive for you- and I expect that you wish Luuka could be more of a comfort.

I know thats how I would feel. When I'm sad all I want is doggie cuddles :p

I hope she is just being a silly puppy and grows out of it- I'm sure you will bond with time.

Whenever she is having fun with you, stop it abruptly and leave her wanting more.

I think thats a good idea. ;)

Also, I dont know if you have done this already but try only giving affection when you instigate it.

Ignore her if she comes for pats, then after she has wandered off, unsatisfied, call her over, get her to sit and then give her a good rumbling pat session.

Another piece of advice I once got was to withhold affection for 2 weeks, only praising and patting when training or out walking.

I was never good at that, why have a dog if you cant cuddle it?

[pie]

Agility did help the bond between my boy & I a bit, there might be a club nearby someone can recommend that offers puppy agility classes? Our club does.

[charli73]

Fran,

She is GORGEOUS!!

Dont feel bad, Zoe my GSD is my first puppy and I there have been heaps of time where Ive thought she didnt like me...

She doesnt sleep in our room, prefers to be in the lounge, hates to be cuddled, wont let me hug her and generally is very aloof and prefers to do her own thing as long as Im near by as long as she know where I am....but If I leave she cracks it!

Im home sick for a few weeks and although she comes to check on me periodically she would rather go find out what the cat is up to and chew on her raw hide...

Dont feel bad, that bond will grow over time, and doing cool stuff together as she gets older will help that, but isnt it better she is a little more independant for when you do have to work longer hours??

Dont feel bad, I guess some dogs just have different personalities..

[Greytmate]

Don't get your expectations too high. She may just be an independent individual, but what were you hoping for when you bought a lappie? They are known for being laid back, and terriers are known for being tenacious and intense.

You can work on her obedience. If all rewards in life come from you, she will look to you to get them. If she finds it rewarding enough to do her own thing, you need to change this.

You can start agility at any age, just don't allow the dog to jump before it is 18 months old. Training will improve the bond you have, but will not change your dog's personality. Maybe you are better leaving this dog with your family, and getting another dog. There is no hurry to make the decision, but do start thinking about the differences in breeds.