Qu. Re Who Dogs Bond With...

[whippets]

I do everything for the dogs and most of their affections are shared except my house whippet. I do everything for her yet she prefers to sleep on my 10 year olds bed and not mine. I find that very upsetting :D

[Tilly]

I have 2 male GSD's.

I have feed, trained and cared for both dogs since they were puppies (one still is) ... but the older dog is clearly my brothers. He still loves and obeys me but prefers to be with my brother ... probably because my brother used to take him to work and he loved going to work.

Our youngest loves me the most and currently my brother doesn't exist to him.

[Guest RosieFT]

wow- great responses everyone! Thanks for the food for thought.

Erny - I would have to clarify with my friend. She said that although schnauzer "S" 'shares the love around very convincingly' and therefore that when she is with daughter "M", she makes M feel like she is her person, and same with her husband. But my friend is the one that says, that "S" is still very much and obviously 'her' dog. so either the dog is VERY good and sharing the love and they all feel that (hee), or she is right. We all went camping together for 2 weeks with the dogs, and I guess what i observed was that although the dog would run about with the daughter, she would always end up spending most of the time sleeping in beach shelter with the mum. I assume she means the dog responds to the mum better tahn daughter?!?! i will ahve to clarify.

In the case of the other family, their dog (which is a mixed breed and looks like a cairn terrier!! but it isn't...) it is a super friendly house dog (they live on a TB horse property and have another outdoor dog), she does not show preference to anyone but the mum.

Interesting!

thanks again

[Dogsfevr]

Mini Schnauzers normally dont pick sides or select people unless never exposed to outside the square they live in.

I think dogs can have a affinity with someone but i wouldnt always say its a bond.

We breed minis & the reason they are so popular is due to the fact they are an all people breed BUT i also feel that some people even children often feel the need to try & make a dog love them more & it pushes the dog away .

So instead of this fa,ily wanting to pick a dog solely for her & not to be disappointed one would need to see the child in action whether her body language actions also are a factor.

We have had people out here who just wont let the dogs be & feel being pushy will get more results .

Dogs are often good judges of character & having said that she is still only young & as already asked why do they think its more a mummies dog??

[indigirl]

I am the only one living here so my dogs dont get a choice who they bond with LOL

However I believe dogs do choose their owners. Of my 7 dogs several of them would happily go with anyone who fed them and gave them attention lol, but some of the others are very tightly bonded to me. They have all been raised with equal love, time and attention yet some only have eyes for me. This includes a dog that came to me at 3 yrs of age, so I didnt even raise him.

Breeding plays a role, my golden is one who would happily go off with anyone who fed her, yet my neurotic kelpie cross only ever wants me. I own 4 iggies, of the four the 12 month old would go with anyone, the 5 month old and the 4 yr old only want me, and the 3 yr old has a foot in both camps depending on his mood.

I know growing up the 'family' dogs were all really my dogs. They slept with me and followed me everywhere.

[Kavik]

The dogs certainly choose! I do all the walking, feeding, training for the dogs. OH will give them a pat, or feed them if I can't. Zoe and Kaos are obviously MY dogs and prefer me, but Diesel LOVES OH! Also Diesel is OH's favourite of the dogs (not as high energy as the Kelpies - he finds them a bit much :D ) - so it works well in that regard.

[poodlemum]

Growing up my family had a Dalmatian and an English Pointer .. Mum and I shared feeding walking etc to begin with then later on I fed both girls.

The Pointer bonded majorly with me and the Dally with my Mum.

I personally think it depends soley on the dog ..

I raise any pups we have, feed them, do early training... by the time they are a year or two old- I don't exist- they only answer to he-who-takes-them-working the sheep.

Dogs will pick their person- no two ways about it! :D

From my experience (of over 30 years of dog-owning) I totally agree with these 2 statements. Over the years of my ex & I raising our Standard Poodles, I have always been the one who feeds them and generally tends to them, usually the one who trains them (either informally or formally) and yet some bonded to him, some to me! The only things that can make a slight difference is the gender - bitches tend to bond more to Males & dogs to Females.

[corvus]

This is the reason why I wanted my own dog when I was a kid. My parents got me a Pembroke Corgi. She was mostly fed by my mother, but she was my dog through and through. I spent lots of time with her, trained her, took her for long meanders through the bush, got up early in the mornings to play with her before school, and took her with me everywhere I could. There was never any question whose dog she was, even when I went to uni and left her behind with my parents. She was always happy with them, but if I was there she was always by my feet.

My mum had a BC when she was a kid. She played with him all the time, spent hours with him. He was her constant companion, and everyone says they had a special bond. He would lie under the house directly under the kitchen and when he heard her chair scrape against the floor he'd be at the door in seconds waiting for her to come out and play. She did teach him a few things, but mostly they were just pals.

I think that dogs bond with whoever spends a lot of quality time with them. I do most of the training in our house, but share the feeding with my OH and we always walk the dogs together. I couldn't say who either dog has bonded to more closely. It's more or less equal. I think I'm very lucky that way.

[Crisovar]

Dogs will pick their person- no two ways about it!

I agree, and this goes for other animals as well.

One that springs to mind is my ever ungrateful cat, saved him from the pound, slave my fingers to the bone day in, day out to provide him with all his little luxuries, and he only has eyes for my OH who didn't really want him in the first place

[Gayle.]

One that springs to mind is my ever ungrateful cat, saved him from the pound, slave my fingers to the bone day in, day out to provide him with all his little luxuries, and he only has eyes for my OH who didn't really want him in the first place

That's cats for ya! Our Burmese buggers will flirt shamelessly with anyone who comes in the house, but moreso with people who declare they don't like cats. I think they are trying to make a point....."We're adorable, how can you not love us?"

[keroppiyo]

Yep, I think they choose as well. I do all the feeding, training, walking, grooming for my girl Buffy (a Samoyed), yet she doesn't seem all that excited with me, maybe just a slight tail wag if I've been out for a while, then return home. When she sees other family members, or better yet, strangers, come into the house, she goes nuts, tail wagging, jumping, excited barking, etc. Only recently it seems she might be more attached to me than she'd made out. She needed me more than anyone else when she got injured, and would become distressed when I had to leave her side. Maybe she sees me as being her mum. Not as interesting as other people, but more important?

[MrsD]

When I was a kid, our family dog, which I spent a lot of time went, went to the bridge. He had sarcoptic mange, and we couldn't have another dog for a period of time.

I was hanging out for a dog, and "found" a few lost dogs and took them home. Oh, the embarrassment, they were were loved dogs that I had mistaken for strays (read "stole")

We then got a couple of dogs, and they bonded to my mother. I was pretty ticked off about this.

Then it was decided we would buy a pup which would be MY dog. This was done. My mother largely ignored the pup for the first couple of months. I fed her, groomed her, trained her, toilet trained her. My mother never gave her any commands, and ignored her.

After a couple of months she was bonded to me. After that, she was fed with the other dogs, and my mother would call her, and pat her, but I was the one who spent time with her, she slept on my bed etc.

When my daughter was 9, she said she wanted a "dog of her own" for her 10th birthday. We had dogs, but she wanted her own dog. Her choice was a Cavalier. Not a breed, I would have thought, who would have bonded particularly to one person.

However, I did what my mother did - largely ignored Nancy for a month or two, and my daughter spent time with her, trained her. fed her, brushed her, washed her, t ook her for walks, spent time with her. Nancy slept on the bed, and if my daughter watched TV, Nancy sat on the couch with her and was generally encouraged to spend time with my daughter.

And she did bond to her. When Nancy was 10, my daughter was at Uni, living in a flat where there was a no dog rule, so Nancy lived with me. We got on well, no problems, but whenever my daughter came home, it was obvious whose dog it was!! When Nancy moved out to live with my daughter in dog friendly digs, she didn't even bother waving goodbye to me!!

The above experiences may help your friend. I hope so. Worked for us! There is nothing more frustrating for a child for the dog to "belong" to someone else. Oh, the first breed was a dacshund. Two totally dissimilar breeds.

Good luck, let us know how your friend goes?

I have to say, I agree with Jed, yes dogs will pick who they like best all other things being equal, but if one person completely ignores the dog it will usually bond with the person who it has a relationship with.

In our house Jonty is the only one who will obey without question anything Dagboy or I say & that's because we both spent time doing stuff with him when he was a puppy. Ebony is definitely Dagboy's dog, but mainly because I made a point of completely ignoring her & she has bonded really well with him (still quakes in her boots if i so much as chage the tone of my voice though, so it's not about leadership ). Jarrah is completely, utterly & unquestionably my dog, Eddie did the ignoring when we got him (as a rescue at 12 month) & he has bonded with me like glue, at one stage he would completely & totally ignore anything Dagboy said, so he started feeding all the dogs & doing TOT with Jarrah in particular & now he will obey commands etc, but is still totally my dog. Whisper is bonded with me too because Dagboy did the ignoring thing, being a BC she isn't so arrogant as Jarrah & will listen to Dagboy, but clearly is my dog.

Funny because I was talking about something similar to Dagboy yesterday about the kids - Jonty has always loved M & will generally do as M tells him but will completly ignore C whereas Jarrah will listen to C & do as he's told or do tricks for him but will ignore M. And Whisper will totally ignore both of them .

[Amika]

I'd agree with most that the dogs usually choose, however what Jed says is something that I have tried myself although my daughter was older. While our "family" dogs have always been with the kids, they were always bonded more to myself. (comes with them working with me I guess). So when my eldest decided she was ready for a "dog of her own" she expressed to me that I was not to pat it or feed it etc. It worked for us, her dog did become more bonded to her. Mind you I had fun teasing her.....stealing a pat or a cuddle from time to time! Not sure if the breed had anything to do with it, he was a Pug, wonderful little fellow.

[Erny]

I'd like to have a couple of things clarified.

What do you all think when you talk of "bonding"? Do you mean the dog prefers to hang around near you more, or are you all saying the dog listens to you (or the other person) more? Is the latter what you think "bonded" is? Or the former?

Also, a number of you have said that "the dog chooses". I'm inclined to agree, but that's not really answering the question, is it? I mean, isn't the question "why?". IE Why that person above the other?

If people thinks "bonded more" means the dog hangs around more with one than the other, this could possibly be a manifestation in hierarchy (not saying it absolutely is, but it could be, so please think about it).

[PooMother]

My border collie girl is fed, groomed, loved, spoilt by me but as soon as hubby is seen, gets home etc she is all over him, definatley his dog. P#@*&^ me off actually lol, he does nothing and get all her lovin'

Mmmm IMO I am the number 1 and hubby is number 2, this bitch though prefers him over me. Other 2 dogs prefer me.

Edited March 28, 2010 by PooMother

[Amika]

I'd like to have a couple of things clarified.

What do you all think when you talk of "bonding"? Do you mean the dog prefers to hang around near you more, or are you all saying the dog listens to you (or the other person) more? Is the latter what you think "bonded" is? Or the former?

Also, a number of you have said that "the dog chooses". I'm inclined to agree, but that's not really answering the question, is it? I mean, isn't the question "why?". IE Why that person above the other?

If people thinks "bonded more" means the dog hangs around more with one than the other, this could possibly be a manifestation in hierarchy (not saying it absolutely is, but it could be, so please think about it).

In my thinking, and my case as I see it, the two go hand in hand. If I'm home the dogs generally hang with me more but also take direction from me over others (pack leader), but..... in saying that, when my children were younger the dogs were always watchful over the kids but mindful of where I was at all times........got me pondering about this even more now. And thinking of things now, if ever you've played around to see "who the dog loves more" (just for fun) we've often sat at opposite ends of a room or outside and called to see which one the dog would choose to go to.....I've always won. As a kid I think I bonded more with our "family" dogs than any other member of the family too, so maybe it's something about me that I don't realise or understand????? I've always been seen as the doggy member of the family right from young.

[Bjelkier]

All the dogs are mine

My poor OH gets very upset about the whole thing.

[percyk]

try a pomeranian

i know of one who was trained by the parent but bonded with the daughter cos it slept with her and she played with it...spent the most quality time with it...mother fed it but it still preferred the daughter

kid has to be gentle and mature to be able to handle a delicate pom but theyre pretty robust in nature

perfect size for the right little girl

[MrsD]

Erny, in our case it's more than just who the dog will obey/see's as pack leader. If I ask Ebony to jump, she wants to know how high, half the time if Eddie asks her to do something she just ignores him but she undoubtedly "loves" (to put a human emotion on a dog) him the most. With Jarrah (& Whisper to a lesser extent) it's more about the connection, Jarrah will sit outside at the nearest door to where I am in the house & will watch me like a hawk, if I walk into the kitchen he is all the way around the house & at the back door before I can get there. If he's inside the house & I move he moves with me, if Eddie's sitting with me & he gets up Jarrah will ignore him, he watches my every move & is my shadow if i let him be, I'm the one he will greet first if we come home etc - I don't know how else to explain it really?

ETA - having said all that we have made a concious effort to ignore each others dogs because we train & compete together, it's no good if I take Jarrah into a DwD competition & Eddie is sitting at the ring ropes because he's music steward & Jarrah runs off to be with him. Jarrah has never ever been interested in other people outside our family, I am the most important person in my dogs life & as far as he's concerned most other people don't exist .

Edited March 28, 2010 by MrsD

[Erny]

Erny, in our case it's more than just who the dog will obey/see's as pack leader. If I ask Ebony to jump, she wants to know how high, half the time if Eddie asks her to do something she just ignores him but she undoubtedly "loves" (to put a human emotion on a dog) him the most.

But what is it that tells you she loves Eddie the most?

I'm playing a bit of devil's advocate here because I don't know you or your dogs to actually see. But I do have a view (and note that I am generalising only and that there are exceptions to the 'rule' - perhaps you are one of them too). And that view is that if the dog perceives itself to be higher in hierarchy (I'm not necessarily talking extremes, potentially just degrees) that dog might also perceive itself as having the role of protector. To protect, they need to be around and have access to 'their' pack. Is the greeting relief by the dog that you're back (because s/he wasn't able to do the job s/he feels is his/hers to do)?

This post is not directed to you specifically or solely MrsD. It is for anyone who reads to consider and toy with, as an idea. I just don't want you to think that I'm backing you in to a corner. I'm just exploring with your minds, to see if anyone can recognise in their own dogs whether they've been seeing things the reverse way around from what their dog's potentially seeing.

Edited March 28, 2010 by Erny