Qu. Re Who Dogs Bond With...

[Guest RosieFT]

From my limited observations, it seems dogs 'bond' most with the person who feeds them/trains them/ and/or head of the household. But a good friend of mine was wondering if there was more chance of a bond forming with her daughter and dog if a particular breed was chosen. They currently own an elderly (16year!!) maltese cross and a youngish (4yr) mini schnauzer. Her daughter is 11 and already spends alot of time with the schnauzer, 'trains' her in the backyard, walks her etc and this dog is the sort who shares her love around, but is still obviously the "mother's dog".

Her daughter would love to have a dog that sees her as #1 and as her 'person' and they have recently been thinking about a potential new dog for in the future when the maltese cross is no longer with them.

SO, does breed dictate? sex of dog? temp of dog? or, in reality, will the person home most with the dog/feed the dog etc. still always be 'the one' ???

thanks :-)

edited to add: this same question came up again with another family I know, with another daughter (10) who wants the same thing - a dog to call her own. They have a family dog, but again, this dog is definitely the 'mum's dog'.

Edited March 27, 2010 by RosieFT

[Rainy]

Hmm Im not sure if there is any particular breed that will definatly bond with the child over an adult, our stfford is definatly our daughters dog, I feed and do all the training etc but he is defiatly her dog. I belive they bond with who ever they see fit

[newfsie]

I don't know anything about it being different in breed, but i do know that with all our dogs, the dogs chose their preferred person. I do most of the feeding and we both do very active training with our dogs. But our newfy girl rescue chose me from day one. Whilst the previous rescue boy chose hubby. Our most recent pup is very clever she has chosen us both. And our golden cross has always been Mike's dog. We have had lots of different breeds and even though I do most of the "let the puppy out" and "feed the puppy", some have chosen Mike as the love of their lives and some me. The newfs from pup seem to share, but attach to one person when a rescue. Maybe someone else has more info........

[Guest belgian.blue]

Growing up my family had a Dalmatian and an English Pointer .. Mum and I shared feeding walking etc to begin with then later on I fed both girls.

The Pointer bonded majorly with me and the Dally with my Mum.

I personally think it depends soley on the dog ..

[persephone]

I raise any pups we have, feed them, do early training... by the time they are a year or two old- I don't exist- they only answer to he-who-takes-them-working the sheep.

Dogs will pick their person- no two ways about it! :D

[Jed]

When I was a kid, our family dog, which I spent a lot of time went, went to the bridge. He had sarcoptic mange, and we couldn't have another dog for a period of time.

I was hanging out for a dog, and "found" a few lost dogs and took them home. Oh, the embarrassment, they were were loved dogs that I had mistaken for strays (read "stole")

We then got a couple of dogs, and they bonded to my mother. I was pretty ticked off about this.

Then it was decided we would buy a pup which would be MY dog. This was done. My mother largely ignored the pup for the first couple of months. I fed her, groomed her, trained her, toilet trained her. My mother never gave her any commands, and ignored her.

After a couple of months she was bonded to me. After that, she was fed with the other dogs, and my mother would call her, and pat her, but I was the one who spent time with her, she slept on my bed etc.

When my daughter was 9, she said she wanted a "dog of her own" for her 10th birthday. We had dogs, but she wanted her own dog. Her choice was a Cavalier. Not a breed, I would have thought, who would have bonded particularly to one person.

However, I did what my mother did - largely ignored Nancy for a month or two, and my daughter spent time with her, trained her. fed her, brushed her, washed her, t ook her for walks, spent time with her. Nancy slept on the bed, and if my daughter watched TV, Nancy sat on the couch with her and was generally encouraged to spend time with my daughter.

And she did bond to her. When Nancy was 10, my daughter was at Uni, living in a flat where there was a no dog rule, so Nancy lived with me. We got on well, no problems, but whenever my daughter came home, it was obvious whose dog it was!! When Nancy moved out to live with my daughter in dog friendly digs, she didn't even bother waving goodbye to me!! :D

The above experiences may help your friend. I hope so. Worked for us! There is nothing more frustrating for a child for the dog to "belong" to someone else. Oh, the first breed was a dacshund. Two totally dissimilar breeds.

Good luck, let us know how your friend goes?

Edited March 27, 2010 by Jed

[ILuvAmstaffs]

I think any of the more people orientated breed has a good chance of picking a child to bond with if the child spends more time with them than other people in the household. Something like a staffy springs to mind as a good size for a young girl who has experience with smaller breeds.

[WreckitWhippet]

My Whippet is my girl but when my daughter is around they spend countless hours playing with each other. Sessy goes to Poodie's room every night and kisses her goodnight.

ETA: My older Stafford bitch will also spend a lot of time with her as well

Edited March 27, 2010 by SBT123

[Mas1981]

I think dogs do pick their person for sure, I had 2 ridgeback x's and I was always the one to feed etc but yet the one always loved my hubby more even though he hardly paid her any attention. Long time ago ( about 10 years back) a dog trainer told me dogs bond more easily with people of the opposite sex, it was one of the reasons I got a male this time around and I do feel that he has a different bond with me then what the girls have.

I think labs are quite loyal to those who would be doing the feeding and walking etc?? But then a big dog like that would probably be a bit hard for the child to handle because they are so big and excitable while its growing up, if they were going for a adult dog already it may be ok.

[Erny]

Her daughter is 11 and already spends alot of time with the schnauzer, 'trains' her in the backyard, walks her etc and this dog is the sort who shares her love around, but is still obviously the "mother's dog".

What is it about the dog's behaviour that makes you think the dog is the "mother's dog" ?

The answer to that question could influence my immediate thoughts, but the fact that you are talking about younger children who are perhaps not as naturally assertive as the adult members of the family are could well play a factor, if by "obviously the mother's dog" you mean that the dog takes more heed of her than of the child.

[mokhahouse]

I really feel it depends on the dog. Our collie was definately a family dog however she gravitated more towards females. Perhaps a legacy of her past as she was a mature aged stray when we found her. Mokha was supposed to be my daughters dog but he bonded to me as I was home with him, trained him etc. While he mostly sticks like glue to me, since I fractured my ribs and my hubby started walking him daily he has definately formed a much closer bond with my hubby. He comes a close second now. Molly is my dog, she is an attention hog from anyone who will give it but is definately my girl.Other members of the family walking her made no difference. She really only listens to me.I think if your friend chose a dog that their daughter was confident in handling herself, training feeding etc and she exclusively did all this it may help to form the bond but in the end the dog may still choose someone else.

[Sayly]

I think breed would have little to do with it in most cases.

Here's a true example:

Two half sisters, one lives with me, my mum, dad, brother and boyfriend. She loves us all pretty equally, listens and responds to all of us, but she loves my boyfriend and I best. Happy to do anything for anyone.

Her half sister who lives with her breeder but occasionally comes over for sleep overs, treated very similar to her 1/2 sister above, but she ADORES me and really likes my brother and Dad, but she seems to despise my mum and boyfriend! She won't go to them, doesn't like being with them, ignores them. She's similar with her breeder who she lives with most of the time. She sees me and goes silly though! No idea why, but her and I really clicked. I feel very strongly for the little girl, we just hit it off from day one, I think if she was mine she would be a really special dog in my life.

THese two girls, while similar, have big differences in personalities. Same breed, same mother though.

I think it's really just the dog!

ETA: Mum even fed her when she was here to see if it would change it, nup. She doesn't mind Mum if it's only her around but if Dad, brother or I am around she just ignores her completely!

Edited March 27, 2010 by Lyndsay

[NZVizsla]

When I was eleven I got my first dog. I had been campaigning for about five years and was beyond desparate for one! (I did a paper run for five years, getting $17.50 a week, and never touched a cent of it!)

I really wanted a smooth haired Dachshund, but when the green light came on it was impossible to wait for a bitch to get pregnant.

So I bought a GSD X Corgi! A Shepherd with very short legs..

My parents dropt me off at the Vets for puppy pre-school, then dropt me off to dog obedience class (which lasted for years), I did all the feeding, grooming, walking.. everything!

And she didn't like me! She was very dominant and 'bitchy' and even my Vet at the time was disappointed with her.

My dad didn't live with me, but he saw us regularly, and me and the dog would go to his house to stay on the weekends.

Said dog fell in love with him on day dot..she'd skip food, walks, cuddles etc to be with him if made to choose. And my dad wasn't authorative with her - never told her off, never asked her to sit/down or be respectful.. I did all that. :D

My eldest Vizsla is a one person dog for sure. He is polite to everyone, but his sole attention is on me and me only.

I think they choose. I had a horse that I just didn't click with and fought for years to forge a strong bond, but it just didn't work.

[:ange:]

I feed/walk/bathe/lay down the law etc with both of our dogs. I love them both to bits and they both love me but the eldest bitch who is SUCH a bitch, she adores my OH. Will sit and lovingly gaze at him when he is on the couch waiting for the ok to get up to snuggle him - she has never done this to me ever. My boy has only got eyes for me and me only. Dogs are just like people - some you don't get on with and some are your best friends for life. Same deal with dogs I think.

[Gayle.]

Depends on the dog. I do everything for our dogs.....feed, walk, groom, bath, train, show etc. My husband throws a frisbee for them every now and then, watches TV with them and wrestles on the floor with them. He also tells them bedtime stories and makes up songs about them.

Benson adores him. Benson doesn't do anything my husband tells him, but he completely and utterly adores him. He lays near his feet or on the couch next to him, won't come to bed unless he does, always takes the frisbee to him and wants to be outside if my husband is out there no matter what he's doing.

Dusty on the other hand, would walk over hot coals to be near me. She is pretty much glued to my side when I'm home, and is in her element when I'm working in the kitchen and she is lying at my feet (catching the stuff I drop!)

My daughter wanted Dusty to be her dog, but it wasn't to be. Dusty just decided I was the most important person in her world and that was that.

[Kissindra]

I do think they choose, the GSD's I grew up with were very firmly Mum's dogs - that said my childhood was full of grand adventures, running about the countryside with GSD following along by our side but I could tell they were more bonded with her (which did miff me somewhat :D) and when not on adventures they would stick by Mum. There was a definitely difference in their response to her that even a child could pick up on.

[RallyValley]

Lilly the oldest is so my dad's dog. She still won't listen to me :D . However when we got Lilly I was only 7 so that probably had a lot to do with it. However I walked Lilly the most, spent the most time with her, trained her ect, She just never saw me as an equal.

Toby is mostly my dog BUT if mum or dad does something great with him (i.e walks him or plays fetch) he will be thiers until something better comes along.

Lincoln seems to prefer me and sooks when I leave, but would do anything for food.

[Bindii]

The Pug is his, the Samoyed is mine.

I feed, walk, train etc etc etc. But that's what they've decided. Not sure why or how it happened, i never thought i could have a bond like mine and pug's with another dog, but i guess it works out easier that they have 'chosen.' It's only been really obvious in the last month or so... Pug no longer bothers to get of the couch when i come home if OH is already home! I get a tail wag, and that's it! (but he is obsessed with me and, as i just wrote in another thread, has a bit of a separation problem with me) Samoyed runs to the door and gives me great big woo-woos!!

On the other hand, if i'm home with the dogs and OH comes home, both get up to great him, but he gets no woo-woos from the Sam! :D

Edited March 27, 2010 by Bindii

[Chocolatelover]

I think dogs do pick their person for sure, I had 2 ridgeback x's and I was always the one to feed etc but yet the one always loved my hubby more even though he hardly paid her any attention. Long time ago ( about 10 years back) a dog trainer told me dogs bond more easily with people of the opposite sex, it was one of the reasons I got a male this time around and I do feel that he has a different bond with me then what the girls have.

I think labs are quite loyal to those who would be doing the feeding and walking etc?? But then a big dog like that would probably be a bit hard for the child to handle because they are so big and excitable while its growing up, if they were going for a adult dog already it may be ok.

I agree with Masons mom - our boy labs have always seemed to prefer the girl humans. Tazer is eight months old and always follows either me or my daughter (10). But she is very involved with him - feeding, brushing and usually has his lead when we are walking (even though they are not too far apart in weight he is surprisingly good for her). If he is off lead and she and I go in different directions, he usually follows her - although it does depend sometimes on who has the treats :D But even if the boys have the treats he sticks with the girls! They human boys are definitely not as involved in the day to day walking and care though.

But now that I think of it - off lead our Beagle sticks with my OH He obviously doesn't know which side his bread is buttered on!!!!!

I did read once that the dog often sees itself as higher in the pack order the children but not sure if this is true or not.

[Jenni87]

*please excuse any errors. Doing this from my phone and for some reason cuts off half the box so I can't see!*

I have really enjoyed reading this for some reason. I agree with majority, dogs choose you, whether it be as a pup who when entering the family picks it's person or a rescue dog who finds you and it just is.

Our first dog that I remember was my Dads. We picked her up from the shelter (GSD x Blue Heeler) and the big winner for her was she didn't jump up at us as others had and sat by Dad . She loved us all and would do as we asked but she would always be at his side, feet or on his lap if he let her on the sofa!

My dog, same kind of thing. Also a rescue and when I saw him, I knew. I was 12 when I got him and it wa a s wonderful experience having a bond like that growing up. I hope myy kids get to as well.