What Would You Do?

[W Sibs]

My ex and I have been broken up for a very long time now. 4 - 5 years (wow time flies) now.

We didn't have exactly the best break up (but which break up is). Anyway, when I left, I had to left my female husky back because she couldn't be seperated with his male dog. Hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life, but it was for the best. I wasn't in a good place when we broke up (and, i had to move into a small apartment)

When the ex and I broke up, we had an agreement that I could see the dogs (even if that means him taking them out to the park to meet with me)... but a week after I moved out, he moved in his current girlfriend in and told me that it's best if we cut all ties and I can no longer see the dogs. It broke my heart. That actually hurt me a lot more than finding out that he has been cheating on me and moved on so fast (anyway, that's a different story altogether)

I get an email from him last night, saying that the female husky needs eye surgury (she has cataracts) and since she was my dog, I should pay for it... not some of it, not half of it.. but for the whole thing (he told me it's going to cost about $2K or more!). I think it cause he isn't working and his current girlfriend is, and they are only living on one income with no savings (although he was bragging that he bought a new motorbike?! and currently saving money to go to Fiji?)

I feel weird about it... i know after i pay for the surgury, I still won't be able to get her or see her. his girlfriend doesn't want us to have anything to do with each other, which i guess it fair enough.

I think I wouldn't even think about it if I still remain in contact with the husky, but I haven't seen her or heard anything about her for years. what would you guys do?

I'm leaning on just paying for the surgury (i'll get her vet to send me the bill and everything) because the thought of her suffering makes me sad..

[poodlefan]

It's a tough one CW.

My instinctive reaction would be to tell him that he has a hide like a rhino to expect you to pay for a dog you've been banned from seeing for years.

However, if you don't pay for it, will it happen?

[W Sibs]

It's a tough one CW.

My instinctive reaction would be to tell him that he has a hide like a rhino to expect you to pay for a dog you've been banned from seeing for years.

However, if you don't pay for it, will it happen?

I'm kinda in shock about the whole thing.

I honestly don't know what will happen if I don't pay. If he is still the guy I knew back then.. he will probably ask his nanna to pay for it.

[poodlefan]

It's a tough one CW.

My instinctive reaction would be to tell him that he has a hide like a rhino to expect you to pay for a dog you've been banned from seeing for years.

However, if you don't pay for it, will it happen?

I'm kinda in shock about the whole thing.

I honestly don't know what will happen if I don't pay. If he is still the guy I knew back then.. he will probably ask his nanna to pay for it.

And if she will CW, I'd let her.

The way I see it, is that if you pay for the surgery, he shouldn't be benefitting from it. Any chance she could come to live with you and Charlie now or is she not great around small dogs.

[SkySoaringMagpie]

I would start by saying that I am prepared to take the dog and look after her in her twilight years, including the eye surgery, but that I am not prepared to pay and have the dog stay with them. They don't need to know what you are prepared to do to help her if push comes to shove, at this stage they just need to know your starting position which should be that they have got to be effing kidding.

If you are not in a position to take the dog, I would definitely not give any cash to them, for all you know this could be a scam and the dog could be long gone. I would ask to take the dog myself for a second opinion. Get a friend to do it if it would be too tough for you personally.

[persephone]

yes- a tough one.

Ask which vet she went to, and can you speak with the vet?

I certainly wouldn't be paying just on his request!

[SeeGee]

I agree - take the dog back if you are in a position to, and pay for the surgery. anything else is unfair.

in saying that, id probably pay for it anyway cos im a sucker

[sas]

I'd tell him to piss off. I know you care for the dog but technically the dog isn't yours anymore, you're not allowed to see the dogs so the dogs aren't yours.

He's trying it on.

If you do decide to pay, don't pay a dime until you've spoken to the Vet, got a second opinion and the quote in writing on the Vets letterhead.

Edited March 11, 2010 by sas

[16Paws]

What a very tough situation. I know if it was me I'd been torn between the logical and the emotional side.

So logically:

1) It's been 5 years, she hasn't been your dog for that long. If you didn't have a spare few thou lying around and some random came up to you and said "Hey mind paying for my dog's surgery even though you will never see the dog" would you do it?

2) He has kept the dog for 5 years so he obviously didn't want to give her up or she would have been rehomed/dumped, etc so the responsibilty is on him.

3) He has family/friends or a bank he can borrow the money from.

4) If you decided to pay for emotional reasons - can you afford it? If you paid would it leave you short should you (dog forbid) have an emergency of your own?

Sorry I'm a list maker

[W Sibs]

I thought about taking her and look after her myself... I, now, know a lot of good vets and specialist! But, I do have to think about Charlie.

I have no idea how she is with dogs now. When we got her, she had a lot of fear issues (really bad case) that it took me a long while to get her out of it. She is too dependent on the other husky (who is still alive and kicking) to seperate her from. I have no idea if the ex or his girlfriend continued with the training or anything.

[Kody's_Mum]

This is a really tough call, and I would hate to be in your situation.

I completely agree with SkySoaringMagpie.

I think he has a hide to ask this of you, and is playing on the fact that your love your dogs and would hate to see her suffer.

If he really cares then he will seek a loan or ask his Nana for the money.

Perhaps if it comes to it and you feel that she wont get the required surgery otherwise, you could pay some of the cost but please pay it directly to the vet.

I do not feel that you owe him anything financially at all. Especially seeing he has not allowed you any contact with her since your split!

[GotAnyBlacker]

I would ask to arrange to go and see her and speak to the vets about it.

THen as someone else posted offer to take her back if you can.

Otherwise half is fair (cause you're a caring person, not because you're obligated to after 5 years). Not all of it.

[~*Shell*~]

Personally, I would be telling him to hand the dog over to you and that he has to cut all ties from the dog if that's the way he's going to be. I know you have to think about Charlie so it's not an option but I would put it out there anyway.

If he truely cares about the dog, he will ask someone else. What happens if the dog needs other surgery? If you pay for this one, he'll just ask you again.

[Dogsfevr]

cataract suregry doesnt always mean success ,you could spend $2000 & it be a failure .

The after care process is just as important & there will still be life long bills after the surgery so who will pay for these ???

How old is the dog now & what degree of cataracts does she have,is it one eye,both,has it been caused by diabetes??

For the last 5 years who has paid for the vet bills??

The cataracts wouldnt have appeared over night unless due to a medical condition or injury so why didnt they mention there may have been an issue earlier if it is simple progressive cataracts??

I have owned dogs with cataracts & you notice very early on the changes.

Im sorry to say i wouldnt pay because of the circumstances.He took on full responsibility ,he hasnt asked for any monies for vaccs,food,general vet or medication bills in over 5 years

[Greytmate]

I wouldn't have cataract surgery performed on any elderly dog.

It isn't a painful condition, and as long as the dog is in a stable environment, it will probably be ok without the surgery. The dog will slowly adjust to its decreasing vision.

I would be asking a lot more questions before deciding or offering anything.

How old is the dog?

How advanced are the cataracts?

In both eyes?

How is the dog coping now?

Is it in a stable environment?

The ex has a hide asking you for money, he should take on the responsibility himself.

If you decide to do anything at all, you must speak to the vet and get the story yourself. Then get a second opinion from a vet you know.

[sallyandtex]

I wouldn't have cataract surgery performed on any elderly dog.

It isn't a painful condition, and as long as the dog is in a stable environment, it will probably be ok without the surgery. The dog will slowly adjust to its decreasing vision.

I would be asking a lot more questions before deciding or offering anything.

How old is the dog?

How advanced are the cataracts?

In both eyes?

How is the dog coping now?

Is it in a stable environment?

The ex has a hide asking you for money, he should take on the responsibility himself.

If you decide to do anything at all, you must speak to the vet and get the story yourself. Then get a second opinion from a vet you know.

What a nerve!!!

Tell him to go jump in the lake (I wanted to use stronger words).

If you are in a position to take the dog, be that a condition.

If not, move on. tell him you will send the RSPCA around to fine him for not looking after the dog.

It's a try-on alright.

What a Class Number One Jerk, and Jerkette girlfriend.

The weakest piss-ant people in the world play on the vulnerabilities of the kindest.

Good Luck, and GO GIRL, you must be glad the union of you and he was broken....you are truly the winner.

[W Sibs]

cataract suregry doesnt always mean success ,you could spend $2000 & it be a failure .

The after care process is just as important & there will still be life long bills after the surgery so who will pay for these ???

How old is the dog now & what degree of cataracts does she have,is it one eye,both,has it been caused by diabetes??

For the last 5 years who has paid for the vet bills??

The cataracts wouldnt have appeared over night unless due to a medical condition or injury so why didnt they mention there may have been an issue earlier if it is simple progressive cataracts??

I have owned dogs with cataracts & you notice very early on the changes.

Im sorry to say i wouldnt pay because of the circumstances.He took on full responsibility ,he hasnt asked for any monies for vaccs,food,general vet or medication bills in over 5 years

I wouldn't have cataract surgery performed on any elderly dog.

It isn't a painful condition, and as long as the dog is in a stable environment, it will probably be ok without the surgery. The dog will slowly adjust to its decreasing vision.

I would be asking a lot more questions before deciding or offering anything.

How old is the dog?

How advanced are the cataracts?

In both eyes?

How is the dog coping now?

Is it in a stable environment?

The ex has a hide asking you for money, he should take on the responsibility himself.

If you decide to do anything at all, you must speak to the vet and get the story yourself. Then get a second opinion from a vet you know.

I guess he has been looking after the bills and stuff. Like I said, I haven't heard or seen this dog in 4-5 years, so this whole thing is news to me that she does have cataracts.

But, these are the questions I've asked him... waiting for replies (if I get one!) because my reply email to him wasn't a nice one

I told him he was an a$$ for putting me in this situation after not letting me see her in 5 years.

The dog is about 8 years old now. 9 in July.

[persephone]

tell him you will send the RSPCA around to fine him for not looking after the dog.

On what grounds?

theoretically he IS looking after the dog, if he is thinking of getting cataracts surgically removed.

Our dogs usually all get cataracts- yes, they slowly lose their sight, but cope quite well, without surgery.

[W Sibs]

Well problem solved... I don't have to pay anything.

I got a "Thanks for nothing" reply. He also told me to have fun snowboarding in NZ while my husky goes blind

He so hasn't changed.

Thanks everyone for your replies and wasting your time... I freaked out for no reason.

[Greytmate]

Going blind is not as bad for a dog as it is for a person. For a dog, a sense of smell is the important sense because it provides the dog with the most stimulation.