Sam&Saki Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Doesn't matter if it's a kid or a dog or a boyfriend or girlfriend; if they're not invited, they're not invited. A dog has no place coming along to a non-dog event; just as a kid has no place coming along to a fancy adult dinner or drinks party, just as a boyfriend has no place at a specific girl's night. It's not the species nor age that matters - if they're not going to be catered for, if they're going to put the host to extra hassle they're not expecting, if the event is not for them, then don't bring them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazindy Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 I never assume that my dogs are invited. Never mind the fact that they are probably much happier staying home lying on the lounge in my son's bedroom watching him play xbox (although there's probably more sleeping going on than watching). I do have relatives (in-laws) who assumed that it was OK to bring their dog to our place for Christmas. We got a heads up in a phone call a few days before Christmas, and my husband rang back and asked them not to bring her (there were circumstances that I won't go into regarding another dog we were looking after). Unfortunately, the answer was "we'll just tie her up out the front, it'll be OK." Grrr... Anyway, as if I'm going to see a dog tied up out the front of my house for three days. I introduced her to our two dogs and it all went swimmingly. I'm not sure what I would have done if it hadn't worked out, but it was quite stressful thinking about it beforehand. As it was, I had to give our dogs time out from their children, our old boy kept leaving the room every time the 1yr old entered a room. Smart boy, I think he knew she was a bit feral. Admittedly, our children also needed time out from their children too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
W Sibs Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Funnily enough, my dogs are the ones that get the invites to come over for dinner... I'm just their chauffeur... lol! This is the same as Charlie.. he gets invited for playdates with other dogs and kids! I'm the one who just drive around, and get put in the corner to supervise the activity! I like to take my dogs everywhere, but I will always ask first and I won't be offended if people say no. It is their house, their rules. Same here. I like to bring Charlie with me, but I always ask first. I dont get offended if they say no. As for my place... I would like the heads up if my friends bring their pets or kids. More so now. Charlie stills have bad days so when he does.. I don't like kids or other dogs around to excite him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akayla Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 But most on those things Sam would be fairly obvious that its not appropriate - but what about every day? Its ok to not want kids around but you need to say so. Like I said Id have to arrange a babysitter or not go so I need to be told if for some reason kids arent welcome. Not that I often can go I guess Im lucky that the small amount of friends I do have are happy to make allowances even though I know it makes it hard for them sometimes. A good example of this was when I went with a good friend to look at wedding dresses for her. I arranged a babysitter for an hour and a half and turned up child free. She was suprised and said she wouldnt have minded and that if I needed to bring her along not to worry she would tell me if there was a problem. The point, we both showed respect for each other and tried our best to make each other comfortable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam&Saki Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Obviously there'll be some times when bringing dog / kid / partner / extra friends is fine, and some times when it's not. If it's not obvious whether they're invited / catered to / going to cause hassle, all you can do is ask x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkySoaringMagpie Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Doesn't matter if it's a kid or a dog or a boyfriend or girlfriend; if they're not invited, they're not invited.A dog has no place coming along to a non-dog event; just as a kid has no place coming along to a fancy adult dinner or drinks party, just as a boyfriend has no place at a specific girl's night. It's not the species nor age that matters - if they're not going to be catered for, if they're going to put the host to extra hassle they're not expecting, if the event is not for them, then don't bring them. I agree with this. The idea that you have something so special that the ordinary rules of courtesy don't apply is pretty pervasive but I also think it's wrong. If there is no invite, there is no invite. I get really sick of this notion that some people have that the entire world is supposed to be like a birthday party thrown especially for them by their mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whippets Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Am I being mean or rude by not liking my invited dinner guests to bring their dogs?We have a particular friend who we socialise with. Both having young families, we find it nice to get together at alternate homes and this years we have new years here. Nice and laid back but given the horrid heat here in Vic today we are pretty much staying indoors. Now here's the catch. They just assume their 9 month old pup. And I have issues He is not housetrained so you need to watch him like a hawk. He has no matters (he jumps up, he playfully nips, he is allowed all over the furniture). All of these things I don't let my dog (past or future) do. We don't like animals on our furniture, our dogs have always had beds which is there sitting place and they always seem happy. But I'm a bit annoyed because I feel rude in calling her to say that perhaps the dog is best left at home but I don't think that I should have to do that - I think that common sense says that when you go to someone's house you leave your dogs at home. Or is that just me???? I wouldn't hesitate in calling them and tell them their dog is most welcomed when it's fully house trained, if you don't mind the dog being there. Otherwise just tell them in a polite way that the dog isn't allowed in the house. It's your house.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoStoNmAdNeSs Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Christ - in my opinion this thread has shown some really nasty sides to people here. I used to take my first 3 whippets everywhere with me, but I always asked first. They were all very polite and quiet. I dont do it anymore because I have too many. Sometimes I go visiting with some of them, but again, I always check first that it's OK Doesn't matter how many you have, its extremely rude to take them at ALL in my opinion. I'e got friends who I'm sure if I asked they would say yes even if they didn't really want my dogs there as thats the sort of people they are - they say YES to their friends and are accommodating, even if its inconvenient for them. Having said that, I would NEVER take my dogs to someone elses house 'visiting' Quite amazing.I think kids or dogs, both need to be expressly invited or you can assume they are NOT invited. It is just a common courtesy. Not everyone likes either. I think it is your house / your rules. Yep, your house your rules. If my kids weren't welcome at my "friends" house - then they wouldn't be "friends" I'd be associating with too much. Nahh, bugger it, I wouldn't be associating with you at all. My kids are ME and my PARTNER! They are US! We never ever have children here. It is a FIRM rule for all. Our house, land, dam, pool, dogs, furniture, patience and tolerance are not set up for children and our friends respect that too. It is all about respecting your FRIENDS and "while in Rome"............ Seems the 'respect' you want is all about you. Where are good old fashioned manners?? LOL - YES - where are they? Where are yours? As for the kids comments....kids are humans and dogs are dogs, don't compare....there is no comparison. You can feel however you want about kids but if I don't want other people's kids coming over I have just as much right to say so as if I didn't want other people's dogs coming over. The situations are actually quite comparable. AS above in regards to you not accepting my children into your house 'if' we were 'friends'. You seriously tell your friends that they can come over but their kids can't..? Christ almighty - this thread has me sitting here shaking my head. Obviously Im in the absolute minority here with my opinions but I gotta say that I've now got carpet rash on the bottom of my jaw from where it hit the floor reading various posts above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmolo Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 (edited) Our dogs go to certain friends and family members houses when invited and there have been occassions when i have been told off for not bringing them! Most times when we catch up with friends we take the dogs (ours and theirs- all of our friends have dogs) for a walk or to the beach before dinner anyway. All of our friends and family ask if they can bring their dog to our place and they have to behave themselves while they are here. Children are welcome here too but i like to know so i can do some basic child proofing before they arrive Edited January 1, 2010 by Cosmolo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkySoaringMagpie Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Christ - in my opinion this thread has shown some really nasty sides to people here. I think the first principle of good manners in these situations is to understand that on someone's home turf, their rules apply. If you're not keen on those rules, you don't have to go/stay. Trying to characterise your personal views about kids and dogs as a universal truths doesn't make them so. Other people see the world differently and it doesn't mean they are nasty or rude. I negotiated something like this with a friend recently. It was a sighthound play date with a few friends at our place. She also has some SWFs and we discussed whether she would bring them and mutually agreed best not to. Didn't cause either of us any drama to have the conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WoofnHoof Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 AS above in regards to you not accepting my children into your house 'if' we were 'friends'. You seriously tell your friends that they can come over but their kids can't..? We obviously move in different circles I don't know many people with kids anyway, most people that know me know I'm not that comfortable around kids if I'm not comfortable with someone's kids I generally don't invite them, not that I get many visitors out here anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
voyagersaus Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Visitors to the house, particularly to "events" or "sleepovers" need to ask if any extra bods area allowed to come with them, whether that be dogs, kids or manbags!! I am glad someone mentioned the husband thing... I can imagine the reaction I'd get if I turned up with my husband in tow to most of the things that I do. :D And my husband IS a good sport about taking my children to their events and parties when I'm working or otherwise busy - sometimes, the only man there! ;) We have acreage and the assumption can be that it is okay to bring your dog along with you to run and roam free. Not so; we have kangaroos for example. We set people straight on this one. Their dog is welcome but it must remain on a leash or be put in an enclosure. Applies to kids too ... it is not okay at our place to have children wandering around unattended, it is simply not safe. Likewise, I have a friend who pales every time she sees my three year old (well behaved) daughter when I drop off my eldest for playdates. I don't ever stay for coffee as the mere presence of a toddler can make some people tetchy. I respect that. She has a jumpy bouncy Lab that of course has the run of its own house and when I send my older child there, it's with that knowledge. I do agree with the general opinion of your house, YOUR rules. If you've invited your friends around though with their kids, it won't kill you to put your dogs outside for a few hours. If you've organized a nice dinner for the grown ups, it won't kill your friends to shell out for a babysitter either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ness Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 I remember a Christmas function at my mother's aunts place two years ago. To cut a long story short - we showed up and within 10 minutes I was in the car on my way home again to collect her :D . She was very upset that we hadn't bought Ness with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
percyk Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 no it's not the done thing i think it is very rude of people to bring dogs uninvited and even if it is ok...id still not take them unless it was insisted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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