Starkehre Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 (edited) What a trying time for you. It is hard enough being sad and sorry to see your little man struggling with these senior years, let alone having to face this tough decision. I have been there on several occassions. Always hard. I was curious.. when you said that your vet said it "was not his time yet", did you actually say to the vet that you had decided it was the right time for you and your dog, or were you more asking for the vet's opinion and not stating what your opinion was? I ask this because a good, empathic, and caring vet will always pick up on your position and be supportive, unless of course there was a really strong case against it (which of course there is not in this situation). I could be wrong here, but your vet may be thinking he is supporting how you are feeling if you have not been clear enough. If you have been clear, and your vet still chose to oppose your thoughts, then I would be doing one of 2 things: 1. Calling the reception and having a talk to the owner and telling them how you feel and request more emotional support in your decision. or 2. going to another vet. IMO there is nothing worse than making the extremely difficult decision to PTS and having your vet disagree or argue with you about it. Nowadays, when the time comes for one of my pets to go, I do not ask my vet their opinion. I make the decision with my family based on all the facts and all of our needs and feelings including the pet, and then I call the vet to make arrangements. I tell them this is what we have decided. I find that if you approach it this way, they are very supportive the whole way through the process, which is important to me. I wish you all the best with your decision. I think you know it is time. Edited July 5, 2009 by dyzney Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daxilly Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Hi, I get the impression that your OH doesn't want to do it! Is it because OH doesn't think it is the right time or does he want nature to take its course with no outside (euthanasia) intervention. If you could both come to an agreement then this will make the decision easier. Having opposing views does not make it simple. Find out why he doesn't think it is the right time, or no matter what quality of life your dog has, including pain, he would be opposed to it. It may be an ethical dillema on your OH part, in which case you will probably always disagree. You may then need to make a stand, without OH support. This will not be an easy thing. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
persephone Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Hi- sorry you have reached this stage. If it were me- my dog would have his wings by now. I prefer to see my dog happy and as comfortable as I can make him. Once my dogs have been uncomfortable..and cannot do all they want to do, then it is time to let them go, and remember their last days as happy ones! When I look into their eyes, I would like to still see a spark... not eyes dulled with pain and effort. It is hard.. but If you love someone/thing, then letting them go is the final declaration of that love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brigie bear Posted July 5, 2009 Author Share Posted July 5, 2009 How is your little man?Whatever you decide it will be for him. Thinking of you He's up and down today... He woke up happy and playful and how hes just laying down not sleeping, just gazing. We've had a few cuddles today which was nice as he hasnt wanted to know me much lately. I was curious.. when you said that your vet said it "was not his time yet", did you actually say to the vet that you had decided it was the right time for you and your dog, or were you more asking for the vet's opinion and not stating what your opinion was? My vet and I have a great relationship. He's very caring and we speak almost daily. At first when we has very sick last week with the infection I was worried that he was trying to tell me that he may need to be PTS but couldnt find the right words so I jumped in and said "we've made our decision on that matter. We feel that when its time then we'll let him go without another thought because thats what is best for him" and he said "well i think its something that you were going to have to think seriously about very soon so I'm glad you've thought about it, but I just dont think now is his time yet. I dont think he's telling you its time yet." Hi,I get the impression that your OH doesn't want to do it! Is it because OH doesn't think it is the right time or does he want nature to take its course with no outside (euthanasia) intervention. If you could both come to an agreement then this will make the decision easier. Having opposing views does not make it simple. Find out why he doesn't think it is the right time, or no matter what quality of life your dog has, including pain, he would be opposed to it. It may be an ethical dillema on your OH part, in which case you will probably always disagree. You may then need to make a stand, without OH support. This will not be an easy thing. Good luck He does and he doesnt. He's like me... He'll look at him on an off day for him and agree with me, but then the next day if hes having a good day, OH (like me) will reconsider our thoughts from the previous day. I think that I will have another talk with our vet tomorrow about it because its just upsetting me so much to see him like this. I am going to be lost without him but I think at the moment he's lost here. Its just also so hard because of his dementia... It makes him a little disoriented so its very hard to tell what he's feeling. Usually (like when he was younger and with my other 2 littlies) I can read them very well - just as I'm sure all of you can with your dogs/cats/etc.. Now he's just so hard to read... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly_Louise Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Hi Brigie, My dog also has pituitary dependent Cushings. Before she went on her medications, she was lethargic, bloated, disinterested and drank so many litres of water a day. Due to the increased water intake, she became a bit incontinent - wee'd in her bed and on the carpets (which she had never done before). Once she went on her meds, this stopped - as did the drinking. When they are consuming that amount of water it puts massive strain on their bladder, no matter how many times they are toileted. On her meds, it took the pressure off her organs and she became like a puppy again. Im not sure what other meds your little one would need - but please do not let negative experiences with Cushings deter you. There is new medications now, they are a little expensive, but are fantastic and take away all the Cushings symptoms. But you know your dog best, 14 is a great age... and you don't want to see your little one suffer after so many good years. Best of luck - you will know when it's time and I can see you love them enough to not let your baby suffer. Horrible time for anyone - but the time we get with them is so precious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirislin Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 From your description of him, he sounds like he's in pain with his arthritis and not a happy boy. Does he enjoy anything at all now? If so, why wait until his life is competely 100% miserable. Allow him to go out while there's still a bit of pleasure. He is at the stage of life I dread for mine and you have my sympathy. I hope you can do the right thing by him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poodlefan Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Is he on medication for his arthritis?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brigie bear Posted July 5, 2009 Author Share Posted July 5, 2009 Is he on medication for his arthritis?? yes. he's on metacam i think its called? he also has glide in his food as does another one of my dogs - although shes 3, she was horribly abused in her past and her joints are terrible as a result of that. he also recently had an injection of some description - like 'fake' cartilage. OH and I have just had a discussion and we have decided its time to let our old boy go. We are getting a pup on Wednesday and we would love to still have Roy when we bring the new baby home. We have decided that we will give him a week with us living it up as much as he can - expensive steaks for dinner, picnics on the res near our house and plenty of love and cuddles... Then we will give him his wings. Although he seems a little better today I know its just one of those days... today he could be better, but he also could be worse. he's so vague in his eyes from everything as well as the dementia... its like he's already gone in many ways... I also just want to clarify that this has all happened very fast. 3 weeks ago he was running, jumping, playing with toys and wrestling with the other two dogs. This is why the decision is so hard also... It all happened so fast! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quoll Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Like already mentioned on this thread, QUALITY OF LIFE and i will add dignity, Ask yourself would I like to be in his shoes, and what do I owe this loyal companion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brigie bear Posted July 5, 2009 Author Share Posted July 5, 2009 Like already mentioned on this thread, QUALITY OF LIFE and i will add dignity, Ask yourself would I like to be in his shoes, and what do I owe this loyal companion. quoll i understand this - read my last post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellz Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 I feel for you. I made this decision myself only recently. In my case, my girl wasn't as old as your oldie (she was only 10). But she had deteriorated mentally quite rapidly and although she was quite fit physically, she just wasn't "herself" and I didn't want her to get to the point where she was injured by the danger caused by her wandering, or where I was angry with her all the time because of her declining physical habits which were really becoming intolerable and most definitely beyond her control. And she HATED to be dirty....she knew and it broke her heart every time she had an accident but she couldn't do anything about it, and neither could I. I remember her as she was, and although I do still wonder if I acted prematurely, I know that she was happy when she crossed the bridge and that's what matters most to me. Good luck with your decision. It is the one that every pet owner hates. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brigie bear Posted July 5, 2009 Author Share Posted July 5, 2009 I feel for you. I made this decision myself only recently. In my case, my girl wasn't as old as your oldie (she was only 10). But she had deteriorated mentally quite rapidly and although she was quite fit physically, she just wasn't "herself" and I didn't want her to get to the point where she was injured by the danger caused by her wandering, or where I was angry with her all the time because of her declining physical habits which were really becoming intolerable and most definitely beyond her control. And she HATED to be dirty....she knew and it broke her heart every time she had an accident but she couldn't do anything about it, and neither could I. I remember her as she was, and although I do still wonder if I acted prematurely, I know that she was happy when she crossed the bridge and that's what matters most to me. Good luck with your decision. It is the one that every pet owner hates. Hugs. thank u so much for ur kind words... although it frustrated me that he wets himself etc i never get mad with him - i just couldnt... but i do know that he can sense my frustration with it. acting prematurely was the major thing i was worried about... but the more i think about it the surer i am that its the right thing for him. i am going to call my vet tomorrow and discuss my decision with him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OSoSwift Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Brigie, no matter what time you chose for your boy you will quite possibly beat your self up for at least a little while with - did I do it too early. Realistically we are talking days/weeks, not months or years. I am sorry but I do not believe that this is a decision your vet can or should make. This decision is very subjective and personal. If he was suffering and you wouldn't put him to sleep, then yes a good vet will strongly suggest to you, that it should be done, but the vet doesn't live your dog and cannot know what he is like compared to normal in his day to day life. I had to have my heart dog put to sleep at 8 and a half due to DCM. She was on 18 tablets a day and not one could be missed. I was 33 weeks pregnant and VERY emotional. Never a good time to have to make a major decision. I chose to let her go when she could still run and play and enjoy life because I knew that every morning I could wake up to a disaster. My vet came to my house to Euthanase her. I said to her that is was so hard to look at my beautiful girl and know that I was the one who had made the decision, and she looked so bloody good that day, she had some energy, played ball, slept lots, but had fun with us all. Her reply was she only looks this good because you have looked after her so well. She would never have got as far as she was if you hadn't. She also said that she hoped when they day came for her with her dog, that she could be as brave as I was and selfless enough to let her go and not hold on just for herself. It meant a lot to me. Basically this is only a decision that you can make. You will feel very sad, guilty and mad. but when that passes you will feel good about the fact you put him before yourself and were the brave one. I feel for you at this time, I know it is and will be difficult for you, nothing will change that, but go with what you know is the best thing for your dog, then your decision will never be wrong, or too early. Hugs to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wazzat Xolo Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Brigie bear You will know what is right in your heart. Just a word of advice Sorry but it may help a bit with finances. I had my carpet replaced under my House Insurance when my dog peed everywhere, it was all covered under damage etc! J Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancinbcs Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 I feel for you having to make this decision for the first time. None of my dogs have ever just gone in their sleep so I have had to make this decision for my last six dogs. My criteria is when the dog is not able to enjoy a normal life and is adversly affecting my life, it is time. Personally from what you have written your boy should have been pts before this. You are not keeping him alive for him but for you. In my experience most vets will want to try everything and will not advise to pts so you need to make the decision and just tell them that is what is happening. No discussion - the decision is your's not the vet's. Don't expect your other half to help you make the decision either as men are notoriously wimpy when it comes to having to pts a pet they care about. They won't admit it but most simply cannot cope with making that sort of decision. I do know of men who can but they usually don't have a woman around to make the decision for them. Finally, once you have made the decision, don't put it off for a week. There is no advantage to the dog and you will just torture yourself. The worst part of all this is making the decision to pts and deciding what you will do afterwards ie: bury him, cremation, etc. I always opt for cremation and find this easier to deal with. Once it is all over you will feel much better despite missing your little man. Try to remember all the good times you had with him and while you will never forget him the pain of losing him will lessen with time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirislin Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 I also just want to clarify that this has all happened very fast. 3 weeks ago he was running, jumping, playing with toys and wrestling with the other two dogs. This is why the decision is so hard also... It all happened so fast! You know, in a way that's a good thing. I understand it doesn't give you alot of time to prepare yourself and adjust, but for him, life's been great all along, and only at the very end is he in discomfort, better than being like that for months....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly_Louise Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 How long has the little guy suffered with dementia? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brigie bear Posted July 6, 2009 Author Share Posted July 6, 2009 I feel for you having to make this decision for the first time. None of my dogs have ever just gone in their sleep so I have had to make this decision for my last six dogs. My criteria is when the dog is not able to enjoy a normal life and is adversly affecting my life, it is time. Personally from what you have written your boy should have been pts before this. You are not keeping him alive for him but for you. In my experience most vets will want to try everything and will not advise to pts so you need to make the decision and just tell them that is what is happening. No discussion - the decision is your's not the vet's. Don't expect your other half to help you make the decision either as men are notoriously wimpy when it comes to having to pts a pet they care about. They won't admit it but most simply cannot cope with making that sort of decision. I do know of men who can but they usually don't have a woman around to make the decision for them. Finally, once you have made the decision, don't put it off for a week. There is no advantage to the dog and you will just torture yourself. The worst part of all this is making the decision to pts and deciding what you will do afterwards ie: bury him, cremation, etc. I always opt for cremation and find this easier to deal with. Once it is all over you will feel much better despite missing your little man. Try to remember all the good times you had with him and while you will never forget him the pain of losing him will lessen with time. We have made our decision... He is going to be put to sleep next week. The reason I am waiting a week is because my husband is away until wednesday night. it will happen when he is home so we can both be there with him. We have discussed it and we are going to have him cremated. You mentioned that I am keeping him alive for me - not for him. Sorry, but this isnt the case. As this is the very first time I have ever had to deal with something like this, my first instinct is to trust what the vet says about it - it has nothing to do with keeping him alive for me at all - just ignorance on my part due to the fact that I assumed this is something I should hear from my vet. Next time I will know better, but for now I can only learn. I also just want to clarify that this has all happened very fast. 3 weeks ago he was running, jumping, playing with toys and wrestling with the other two dogs. This is why the decision is so hard also... It all happened so fast! You know, in a way that's a good thing. I understand it doesn't give you alot of time to prepare yourself and adjust, but for him, life's been great all along, and only at the very end is he in discomfort, better than being like that for months....... ;) I agree... But it did make our decision that much harder.. How long has the little guy suffered with dementia? He was diagnosed 2-3 weeks ago... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OSoSwift Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 Hope you are going okay Brigie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brigie bear Posted July 7, 2009 Author Share Posted July 7, 2009 Hope you are going okay Brigie. Thanks... We're as ok as we can be... Just about to call the vet... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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