Trouble Adjusting To New Puppy

[Jessica44]

Hi everyone, i am new to this forum and am hoping some of you nice people out there can give me some advice.

I have an 18 month old Mini foxie x maltese named Maddie that I adore. We are very closely bonded. I am doing agility training with her and as such we are very in-sync.

She has been the centre of the world for my husband and I since we got her at 8 weeks.

We are looking at having a baby in the next 2 years so wanted to get a companion for Maddie so she would not be as affected by the new addition. So we brought home a new puppy 2 days ago. We were both really excited about it having made a well researched decision and we were ready for the new challenge.

What I did not expect was the sadness that has overwhelmed me since bringing him home. I feel like I am betraying Maddie when I give him affection, like I am taking time away from her when she hasn’t done anything wrong!

Merlin (the new puppy) is beautiful and affectionate but I find myself trying not to bond with him because I don’t want to lose the bond I have with Maddie and I don’t want her to feel I love him more than her.

The reasons we got him are good and I keep trying to remind myself of that but I could really use another perspective.

My husband thinks it is just because I am so close to Maddie and it will take some time for me to encorporate him into that.

Any thoughts or suggestions anyone has would be welcomed!

Thanks

[Toolz]

i would say your husband is on the right track..

you have had Maddie for 18 months and she has been your only 'child' so of course your going to feel guilty taking time away from her but i feel it would be the same regardless of if the new addition was a dog or a child.. you need to stop being so hard on yourself and stop feeling guilty.. put aside maybe 30 mins a day to spend one on one with both dogs as they both deserve quality time with you just as any child you have will.

think of it as a good learning experience as you will no doubt go thru it with your own child/ren when the time comes and trust me when you have a kid in the beginning you will find you have less time to spend with the dogs.

[Kirra_Bomber_Zeus]

I think its hard when you first get a new pup (especially going from 1 dog to 2) because if you have an especially close relationship with your first dog you are afraid to see that relationship change - and I think it does change in a way. The love you have for them doesnt, but your family structure does.

I dont have any children but Im guessing that it happens for parents too when they add a new baby to their family. They dont love their first child any less but the new baby demands a fair amount of their attention!

I have 3 dogs and we got our newest pup (Zeus) 4 months ago. I am very close to my middle dog (Kirra) who is 6 years old. I still feel like shes 'missing out' to a certain degree because I have to focus so much of my attention on Zeus. Its just the way it goes.

I still wouldnt go back to having 1 dog - I have 3 separate and different close relationships with each of my dogs now

[Nekhbet]

dont treat your dogs like a human baby - reserve that for your own.

a dog will accept what you teach it to accept. Do not feel guilt, sadness etc towards the new pup or maddie may grow to see it as something that causes you problems. It's also not fair on Merlin that you make a conscious effort not to bond with him - one dog is your child the other is just an existing entity?

dogs do not feel betrayal, you are over-projecting onto your dogs. There is a period of adjustment but what happens and how long that lasts is mostly up to you.

[poodlefan]

dont treat your dogs like a human baby - reserve that for your own.

a dog will accept what you teach it to accept. Do not feel guilt, sadness etc towards the new pup or maddie may grow to see it as something that causes you problems. It's also not fair on Merlin that you make a conscious effort not to bond with him - one dog is your child the other is just an existing entity?

dogs do not feel betrayal, you are over-projecting onto your dogs. There is a period of adjustment but what happens and how long that lasts is mostly up to you.

What Nekbet said. If you don't feel differently in a few days, return the pup. Every pup deserves to be treated as special. If you got the pup solely as a companion for your first dog, I honestly don't think that's a particularly good reason. If you only want one dog, only have one.

[persephone]

dont treat your dogs like a human baby - reserve that for your own.

a dog will accept what you teach it to accept. Do not feel guilt, sadness etc towards the new pup or maddie may grow to see it as something that causes you problems. It's also not fair on Merlin that you make a conscious effort not to bond with him - one dog is your child the other is just an existing entity?

dogs do not feel betrayal, you are over-projecting onto your dogs. There is a period of adjustment but what happens and how long that lasts is mostly up to you.

AGREED !

if you feel it is unfair, and hard- then contact the breeder and return the new pup-

Maybe you are not yet ready to share....

[Tilly]

What if this puppy was the baby ... would you still feel quilty about spending time with the baby and not the dog?

You dog is going to have to learn to share you ... if not with this pup then with the baby.

Maybe you need to decide if you really want this pup - and not just as a companion to Maddie.

[Kirra_Bomber_Zeus]

What if this puppy was the baby ... would you still feel quilty about spending time with the baby and not the dog?

You dog is going to have to learn to share you ... if not with this pup then with the baby.

Maybe you need to decide if you really want this pup - and not just as a companion to Maddie.

I agree - you have a situation coming up that will force your dog to share you (and a new baby in the house will change your relationship with your dog too - once again, not because you dont love your dog, but because you will need to devote lots of time to the baby)

Everyone has commented that my middle dog has actually become much less 'clingy' since we bought home the new pup (and I dont mean that she has distanced herself from me, she just doesnt get as stressed as she used to when Im not paying her attention). So maybe it was me that needed to let go a little bit... ;)

[Jessica44]

Thanks everyone for your responses.

Should have made it clearer to start with, we were really wanting to get another dog, we had always intended on having two. I just honestly had no idea i would feel this way once it happened.

I think you are all right, i have treated Maddie like my child and need to get used to the idea that she is adaptable and will be just fine with a little less attention.

After reading everything you all wrote i have come home with a different attitude and am now playing with both of them. The little guy is growing on me.

I just need to give it some more time and things will work themselves out.

Thanks again to you all

[Kirra_Bomber_Zeus]

Thanks everyone for your responses.

Should have made it clearer to start with, we were really wanting to get another dog, we had always intended on having two. I just honestly had no idea i would feel this way once it happened.

I think you are all right, i have treated Maddie like my child and need to get used to the idea that she is adaptable and will be just fine with a little less attention.

After reading everything you all wrote i have come home with a different attitude and am now playing with both of them. The little guy is growing on me.

I just need to give it some more time and things will work themselves out.

Thanks again to you all

Good news Enjoy your new guy - they grow up so fast! My new pup was 4kg 4 months ago, now he's 20kg ;)

Oh, and how about uploading some pics of your pups for us? ;)

[Dogsfevr]

dont treat your dogs like a human baby - reserve that for your own.

a dog will accept what you teach it to accept. Do not feel guilt, sadness etc towards the new pup or maddie may grow to see it as something that causes you problems. It's also not fair on Merlin that you make a conscious effort not to bond with him - one dog is your child the other is just an existing entity?

dogs do not feel betrayal, you are over-projecting onto your dogs. There is a period of adjustment but what happens and how long that lasts is mostly up to you.

What Nekbet said. If you don't feel differently in a few days, return the pup. Every pup deserves to be treated as special. If you got the pup solely as a companion for your first dog, I honestly don't think that's a particularly good reason. If you only want one dog, only have one.

I totally agree with all off the above.

I think you also need to realise that when you do have a human baby your time with Maddie will be worse than the time with a new pup & if you cant share your affection with a new pup how will you deal with a baby.

I love all my dogs & yes some are more special but i would never deny them the love they deserve because that is selfish

[poodle proud]

Jessica44 I know exactly how you feel!

My boy and I have been stuck like glue since we got him when he was 2.5yrs old. Especially close as he was a bit nervous and we were protective of him. A sweet, quiet boy and the TOTAL opposite of our new pup who is outgoing, rough, and affectionate on her terms only.

When we got our new pup I felt like I had devestated Osca and felt so guilty. But as they got used to each other I can see he is happier with her around. She does annoy the crap out of him sometimes but I intervene when I think his tolerance is being abused or let him lie down in our bedroom alone to get away from her.

As the pup has gotten older (now 6 months) and has become more obedient life is more harmonious. I still feel pangs of guilt when I give her cuddles but I know thats silly and as others have said they both deserve our love and time.

Don't feel bad. You do want this puppy. If you were like me you probably agonised over whether to get a second or not for some time. In the end I knew that if I decided no I would just get back on the roundabout of do we, don't we? in another months time.

As others have said, try not to humanise them. At the end of the day, one dog or two, a walk, a treat, or a cuddle is still going to make them as happier as they ever have been. luckily for them, life is simple.

Good luck

p.s. This is what things look like at our place these days. It gets better with time.

[luvsdogs]

I'm glad to hear that you've sorted things out. Now's time for the photos.