Let There Be Light.

[Gayle.]

I have no idea who wrote this, but I think it's absolutely brilliant. I'd forgotten about it til I was cleaning up some docs on my computer and came across it so thought I'd share.

LET THERE BE LIGHT

by Anonymous (but quite obviously with his priorities in the right order.)

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

And darkness was upon the face of the earth, for no light sources were there, for yea not even the smallest of flash bulbs divideth the light from the darkness.

And God said, Let there be light; and there was light upon the dry land and the firmament and verily upon the waters as well though polarisers were there none.

And God saw the light, and verily did He capture it at 150th of a second at F11 which was pretty darned good for a first attempt even if He did sayeth so himself.

And God did call the light Daylight and lo did measure it at approximately 5000 degrees Kelvin, and the darkness he called Night, which required a re-think of the whole idea.

And the evening and the morning were the best light of all.

And God created photographers in their multitudes saying, Let the light and the darkness be a torment unto you and to your descendants. Go ye forth and capture thine images. Yet no objects were there upon the land to be seen, let alone photographed, and the people were sad.

And so God sayeth once more, Let the waters bring forth abundantly, moving creatures that hath life and fowls that may fly above and all manner of other interesting creatures that will not stay still in the one place or stay looking in the right direction at the right time. And God blessed them all, saying, Verily, this will giveth the multitudes a challenge.

And God spakest thus, Let the earth bring forth grass, and other less mobile subjects such as the daffodil and petunia and fruit yielding trees that the fruit thereof might be placed within bowls and moveth no more. And the photographers looked upon His still-life creations and saw that they were good, if a tad boring.

And it came to pass that Moses came unto the Lord saying Lord, thou art the light and the way, but still thy people are greatly troubled and in pain.

So the Lord gave unto Moses a tablet, seeking thus to relieve the pain and misery of the multitudes, and commanded Moses to read the instructions on the back and which numbered 1 to 10 and did commend them to His people as follows:-

1) Thou shalt carry thy camera at all time lest thou misseth the Great Opportunity.

2) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours equipment, even though his lens might be longer and bigger than yours.

3) Thou shalt not steal another's photographs nor commit adultery upon them unless it be skilfully and with Photoshop

4) Thou shalt not make craven images that are more than 800 pixels on the longest side.

5) Thou shall not forsake thy tripod nor forget the rule of thirds.

6) Thou shalt worship the correct exposure and focus lest they forsake you.

7) Thou shalt forgive those that trespass if it means getting the best vantage point.

8 ) Remember the Sabbath and the legions of irritating weekend sightseers who shalt impedeth thou in thy sacred mission.

9) Thou shalt honour thy father and thy mother's facial crevices and cherish them for the close-up portraiture opportunities they provideth.

10) Thou shalt not inflict upon others photos of thine own children, pets and garden produce for truly they art a blight upon the land and a pestilence to others.

[Poo d'état]

1) Thou shalt carry thy camera at all time lest thou misseth the Great Opportunity.

FAIL

2) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours equipment, even though his lens might be longer and bigger than yours.

FAIL

3) Thou shalt not steal another's photographs nor commit adultery upon them unless it be skilfully and with Photoshop

7) Thou shalt forgive those that trespass if it means getting the best vantage point.

FAIL

8 ) Remember the Sabbath and the legions of irritating weekend sightseers who shalt impedeth thou in thy sacred mission.

9) Thou shalt honour thy father and thy mother's facial crevices and cherish them for the close-up portraiture opportunities they provideth.

Absolutely!

10) Thou shalt not inflict upon others photos of thine own children, pets and garden produce for truly they art a blight upon the land and a pestilence to others.

BIG FAIL!

[Gayle.]

all manner of other interesting creatures that will not stay still in the one place or stay looking in the right direction at the right time.

I reckon he was talking about dogs there.

[Poo d'état]

all manner of other interesting creatures that will not stay still in the one place or stay looking in the right direction at the right time.

I reckon he was talking about dogs there.

Heck, humans too! At least when there's three or more of them, i find, and usually men.

[PossumCorner]

... And God saw the light, and verily did He capture it at 150th of a second at F11 ...

Thanks GK, haven't seen this piece for ages, it is a gem.