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8 Months Today Since We Parted Ways..

fiery_di

By fiery_di,
in Rainbow Bridge

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fiery_di

fiery_di

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Today marks the 8 month mark that my beautiful precious Ruby girl gave her last breath in my arms..

Not a day goes by that I do not think about her.. I just want to send this note to her so that she knows she will ALWAYS be in my heart..

My darling Ruby,

Year 2000 - You will never fully understand the excitement and joy you brought to me the day my ex husband placed your tiny 8wk old body into my arms... From that moment you were divine.. And you were mine..

The whole way home in the car you would nuzzle up into my shoulder. You never whimpered or cried and finally you fell asleep in my lap on the hr long journey home.

That night we tried to put you in the laundry with a hot water bottle and some soothing noise of the dimmed radio in the background (and a ticking clock under your bed clothes in your bed box). You would have a bar of it and 'screamed' for almost a half hr. How could I just leave a tiny 8wk old pup that we had just torn away from its mother..

So it was settled. I scooped you up and brought you into my bedroom AND my bed where you spent the entire night (and pretty much every night) snuggled in my arms. Every couple of hrs I would wake to see you softly breathing in your quick puppy breaths.. To me this was heaven..

The next morning I took you to the laundry to give you your 'first' meal with us. You were so funny.. You were soooo small that your tiny back legs would rise up off the floor as you lowered your head to greedily eat up your tucker!!

We decided to call you Rhubarb.. But Ruby seemed to be the abbreviated version and this name stuck throughout your life.

A few years passed. You settled in quite well with us. I absolutely adored having you around and you pretty much preoccupied all of my spare time. Devastatingly in 2003 you suddenly became quite ill and a trip to the vets, overnight stays and numerous blood tests, etc. revealed that you had Immune mediated Thrombocytapenia (ITP). You were not well at all and I was so scared that I was going to lose you then and there as your blood platelet levels were soooo low. I couldnt contemplate nor even comprehend not having you with me and these certainly felt the worst days of my life.

A few days later your platelets seem to regulate after being on Imuran and prednisone. Being steroid based drugs they certainly gave you and appetite and you went from a lovely sleek 4.7kg to a whopping 5.6kg (quite a bit of weight for a mini foxie).

After the ex husband and I broke up I couldnt have you with me in the unit that I could afford to rent so the ex husband looked after you for 9mths until I could afford a townhouse where I could take you full time. When I signed the lease over for my new townhouse the elation I felt that I could finally have you with me again was something I could never describe.. I was so happy. The 9mths you lived with the ex were so hard even tho I would visit you every moment I could.

We settled in, I found you a companion (Coco) as I still worked full time so I wanted you to have a friend that would keep you company whilst I wasnt there. You both meshed perfectly (you had your occasional little spats in later years but isnt uncommon with female desexed dogs).

Another set back came along in 2005 where you had an overactive thyroid. Off to a specialist vet and a bout of radioactive treatment revealed that you did not have cancer, we removed half your thyroid and you seemed fine from then on..

2007 was a big year where I found you another companion (Bobby the Iggy) and then I moved in with my current OH. You were now part of a 5 x fur kid family!! A rottie, kelpie, 2 x mini foxies and an iggy!! Didnt we look like the *Doggy Bunch*. Again you settled in quite well and was still the absolute apple of mum's eye!! :laugh:

2008 brought a year I would never forget.. One day we came home and found you limping and upon closer inspection discovered quite a nasty injury to your rear leg. Another visit to the vet specialist, insertion of pins under a decent operation & $2,500 later we were hoping that this was the last of the 'upsets' you'd succumbed to for the time being..

It must have been toward the middle to latter part of your leg injury that you started to drop weight. I thought you were just being fussy due to the ops, the leg and the fact that you had bouts of canine colitis so didnt take a great deal of notice but would try to coerce you with other food. In order to keep your nearly recovered leg protected we built you a separate run in the backyard away from the other dogs. You didnt seem yourself, but I it down to you being apart from your companions unawares of what was coming around the corner..

Every night after work I would come out and give you 'cuddles' from your run. One evening you were particularly snuggly and whimpered and snuggled into my neck. I thought you were just feeling out of sorts. You, my poor darling were probably in pain from the torment that was being inflicted on your poor little body.

You were dropping weight so a couple of visits to the vet and no immediate prognosis left us all scratching our heads. They'd taken some blood but no results seemed to come through so it was left for the time being. A few days later would bring about your demise.

One evening after worrying as you hadnt eaten very much at all after a few days I brought you in for cuddles on the lounge for a few hours. Something in my heart knew that you were not right. Looking back I should have INSISTED on more testing to find out what was going on with you. Hindsight doesnt change things. I blame myself that your last days you were probably feeling pain that you couldnt eat.

I cuddled you on your last night for hours, in tears, knowing in my heart that this was my last night with you... I crated you that night and regret not bringing you in for 'one last sleep' with mum. That morning just before work you kissed me and your tongue was so cold. I put you in bed with me for half an hour to warm you up a bit and then asked the OH to take you to the vet whilst I went to work.

The call to the vet was the worst call I have ever been part of in my life. The vet's words 'Ruby has cancer' were the most devastating, heart wrenching words I have ever had to hear. I asked if I could come and see you right there and then. The vet's answer was of course.

We drove to the vet, me in tears, the other half holding my hand as we both knew what was awaiting you.

When the vet nurse took me in to see you in your cage I will never forget seeing your poor 3.4kg body shaking, wracking from the torment of having tests carried out on you. Your teeth were chattering, your little head was shaking against the wall of the cage. You were a mess. Even OH was crying from the mess you were in.

Why oh why had this happened to you?? I knew the end was nigh. I knew the decision was to take this pain away from you. I knew I had to be strong although my insides were tearing to shreds from the grief.

I asked them if I could come with you whilst they administered the needle. They declined as they stated that your poor lil body could not handle insertion into the vein but would require straight through the heart. I weakly asked if I could have one last cuddle. Again they said of course.

I took your beautiful little body into my arms for the last time. My beautiful baby Ruby. My everything, my heart dog. You shook & trembled the whole time. I cuddled you and whispered to you.. You are mummy's girl, shhhh stop shaking baby, mummy has you now and mummy loves you so much!!

You took your last breath in my arms whilst I was whispering to you and stroking you. You had waited for me, wanted me to be holding you with your last breath.. Then you were gone with a sigh just like that... This to me was the sweetest consolation.. No one can ever take this from me..

You are now buried in the yard underneath some orange trees and I have planted frescias where you lay. There are now four dogs in the yard.. It seems so different without you. Bobby tries as hard as he can to fill your void and to soothe me. He does a great job, but he isnt you, my precious Ruby (he sits on the bed beside me whilst I type this note looking into my eyes and wondering why the tears are streaming down my face). I dream about you every so often. I thought the dreams would soothe me but not having you in the bed with me when I wake is just pure torment.. The dreams are just another constant reminder that you are gone..

I dont think I could ever take in another dog after losing you my Ruby. I think I would be too disappointed as the bond we shared was so strong. You seemed to know me and understand me. You were taken from me so early. You were 7yrs, 7mths & 7 days.

I just hope one day I will be reunited with you at the Rainbow Bridge where once more I can whisper to you that 'mummy is here, you are mummy's girl once more'.

Till then please take care of all the other dogs that cross the bridge and please remember that you will ALWAYS be mummy's girl...

Edited by fiery_di
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carlibud

carlibud

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That was lovely FD

Its 8months yesterday since my Carli and am so feeling your pain, as I too havn't stopped crying since reading this .

I often think of you,( and hope you are well,) when I think of those devastating days when we went through this :laugh:

RIP Girls and look after each other.

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baifra

baifra

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What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful girl. :o

On the 29th December it will have been 8 months since I lost my Sammy girl and still I have a cry almost daily.

Ruby will always live on in your heart. What a privilege it was for you to have Ruby cross the bridge in your loving arms.

My thoughts are with you. Take care

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