you can't force yourself to bond with a dog just like you can't force a friendship with a human. i can relate to terrible thoughts about the possibility of rehoming or putting a dog to sleep. when i got my dog i was young and stupid, i'd never really had the responsibility of a dog.. when i was in highschool my parents got a dog but she was little and annoying, she spent all her time in the backyard and we didnt pay her much attention. then i moved out and a puppy was offered to me. he was a 3 month old american staffy, little did i realise how much trouble they can be! i did like him, but he was ridiculously boisterous and i had no experience with proper training besides the usual "sit" "stay". i was going through a bit of a rough patch in life and i didnt spend the time with him that i now know i needed to. As he grew he started trying to dominate the other dog and she wasn't having any of it, they were best of friends when they were by themselves, but if myself or the other owner walked out, they'd fight. i don't think he wanted to kill her because he never went for the throat and neither dog was never really injured and he was big enough by then that he could have seriously injured her if he'd wanted to. i called in a behaviorist and trainer who said he was fixable, went along to their training session and within a few minutes the trainer had made him sit quietly without trying to attack. unfortunately the other people in the class didnt want him there so we were kicked out. i thought of the option of having him PTS many times when he was young, but i felt like it was my fault he was the way he was and i would do everything to help him.
i sorted myself out and moved out with my boyfriend, we wanted him as an inside dog as he no longer had a playmate.. this meant that we had to seriously start training him. he learnt things really quickly,i taught him hand signs because he responded better to those. he was still super hypo, especially when we first let him in. he'd run full pelt around the loungeroom and he'd lick and jump, especially at new people. he was destructive during the day when he was outside too, chewing and digging. then the owner of our house found out we had a dog, we hadn't wrote it on our application and she happened to live behind us. By this stage i'd started to really feel a bond with him, the thought of having him put to sleep made me feel sick, i couldnt rehome him because i didnt trust anyone with him, i couldnt live with the stress of the possibility of him getting out and attacking another dog if the people who took him weren't as careful at ensuring he couldnt escape the yard. long story short we were taken to court and we won, i had my doctor explain that i needed him to help with my anxiety.
we moved again into a house with a few friends, he cried whenever he was outside and our neighbours complained so we had him in whenever we were home. This actually calmed him down, i used Cesar Millan's methods to help calm him down when people walked through the door. amazingly he calmed down so much and has continued to improve over the past year and a half. in this time i really bonded with him, as did everyone who met him. he was the center of attention and people commented on how well behaved he was. unfortunately his dog aggression issues are still unresolved. I've hired trainers who initially work, but we can't seem to replicate the methods in the same way and it does nothing.
sometimes i still think it would be easier if i had him PTS but it would tear me apart, he is my best friend. he is the one thing that can cheer me up when i'm down and he is always excited to see me when i get home. he loves humans unconditionally and he's really gentle and tolerant of small children, but when he see's another dog i dont even recognise him. it is really hard though, everyday i stress that i'll get home and find the gate open and he'll have got out and hurt another dog, but i can't bring myself to have him PTS because i love him more than life itself.
i hope this isn't a bad first impression of myself, i blame myself 100% for his problems not being addressed properly as a puppy and i regret it everyday.