In a world where alot of people question our deep attachments to our dogs this forum is a life saver.
I thought that I was going mad from the grief of losing my pup 2 months ago until i read all the stories on here.
I now know that its ok to feel like dying but eventually it will get better.
7 months ago, after many months of researching and waiting, I was finally given the most perfect puppy. He was a wedding present from my husband to be.
He was the best bred, from the best breeding lines I could find. He was everything i had ever dreamt of. I was going to do everything with him. We were going to get back into trialling and the sky was the limit.
He was growing up to be one of the most attentive, responsive dogs i had ever worked with. We went everywhere together. On the train, the plane, into the city, out to the country. He was bombproof in every situation. You couldnt wish for a better friend.
Then one day when he was 6 1/2 months old, he just wasnt right. The vet said he was a sleek, fit pup and i was being overly concerned. Then 2 days later he had a grand mal seizure. My perfect puppy was cowering in the corner drooling and showing his teeth, trying to attack every movement. My boy had gone. He then had several more severe seizures. Vet said they were the worst he had seen. He had a brain abnormality that had been slowly growing and had now tipped him over the edge. He was now severely brain damaged. We had many tests done.
I had to tell the vet to kill my boy as there was no fix and he was suffering badly.
I held his little head as the vet was giving him the drug. Just before he died, my braindead pup looked up and stared straight into my eyes. He held the gaze and then took a deep breath then went to sleep.
His little body then started to fit and continued for 15 long minutes before his brain let go.
This happened 4 days before my wedding day. I had the worst and best days of my life all in the one week.
I am not sure when it will start to get easier. I still cant talk about him. I wonder what i could have done better for him. Why was such a perfect gift taken away so suddenly.
My husband has now got me another pup from similar lines. I feel so guilty crying over my lost boy when i have a new bouncy little fellow. I am sure i will learn to love the new one but it will never be like how i loved the first. Part of me died with him and i still feel lost.
Sorry for the long story. I just had to get it out.
RIP little angel
22/6/04 - 11/1/05