thegownchick

Lokelani, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Please accept my deepest sympathy. Though I didn't know her personally, I can empathise with the pain in your heart.

So sorry to hear such sad news. I can empathise. How old was she, do you have a photo? Rest easy, sweet one.

Thanks Carol. You more than anyone know the effort I put in to ensuring Moses was safe, so thank you, your words mean alot. Needless to say, I won't be looking for one of your puppies in the future after all. You were on my list of people to contact in the new year! I really thought it could work. The dog had been here for five days with no problems because I was always there. Only the fact that I was laying down because I didn't feel well, and someone else had let him out of the cage. I thought he was safely locked up. If I had been in the room, Moses would have flown to me and he'd still be with us. Josh is coming along, slowly slowly, baby steps. You can't rush these things. Bonding with a dog is much easier I think. Budgies you have to get them to trust you. I can get him to sit on my finger out of the cage and eat seed out of my hand for a minute or two, but then he wants to get straight back in. No more dogs for me. I'll just watch them from afar. The people on this board are wonderful though.

It's alright Boo n Poo, I'm sure you were only trying to help by giving me another perspective. I certainly don't hate you, or anyone else. If I didn't have Joshua in that bird palace (it is a palace, believe me, one could never refer to it as a cage), it would be a daily reminder of the tragedy. I would be always looking for Moses. Joshua is almost a carbon copy of Moses in appearance, and sometimes from a distance I can imagine it is him. Training is taking up most of my morning and all of my waking thoughts, so this is a good thing for me. On the day Moses died, I rang his breeder in tears sobbing my heart out, and she said "come over this afternoon, I have a baby here who is very similar to your Moses, you can have him with my compliments". So I went, and we loved him on sight, otherwise we may not have had a new baby so soon. Certainly one can never replace the other, but thank goodness he is there! Purple budgies are not easy to come by, and to have one almost a reincarnation of the darling who died is just a miracle. Crash Test, I thought your sheep was just beautiful. I read that tribute and had tears in my eyes. How special to have a sheep greet you when you come home! That must make you unique. Poor darling, how awful. Life just is not fair is it? We went to visit a friend in hospital tonight, this dear lady has alot of health problems. My mum always said "if you're feeling down, do something for somebody QUICK". And it's true. So after an hour there, making her laugh, we all felt alot better. And I think to myself, if Bindi Irwin can move on after her father's death, SURELY I can manage to at least do the same. What an incredible attitude that girl has. If I had ten percent of it, I could conquer anything.

"The poor dog she was minding" went back to her family the very same day, who then took her to the coast for a few days until they found someone else to carry on the care while they finished their holidays. I went to great lengths not to upset these dear people, they were a lovely family, while at my very lowest. I couldn't have done more. I refuse to hold resentment, because that causes bitterness and none of us want to live like that. When I say 'no more dogs' I mean no more dogs here at home. It doesn't mean we would ever be cruel to one, or step in if we saw neglect or cruelty. Truly I am trying to 'carry on' as normal as I can, but it's a new kind of normal now for us, one that doesn't include Moses, and that is really hard. Today is two days without crying so maybe I am getting better. It is still the first thought I have when I wake up in the morning ... Moses isn't here any more. But Joshua is, and he is my focus. Thank God for him! Otherwise I may never have got through. That and the kind support of the people here.

That is one beautiful face! I can see why you miss him so! There is something extra special about the bully breeds, that shnozzy face. What a gorgeous boy. RIP lovely one. I will think of you on the 23rd.

Oh Hedds!!!!!!! :p What a special gift you have for writing! Those words were truly written from deep in your heart, weren't they? If ever a dog was loved, yours is. Life is not fair, having to outlive our animals. That was just beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. Be strong, my friend, keep posting. My husband says that as we get older, life is just a series of losses and we need to get used to it. My question is always, but how? That is one lucky, dear old dog to be so adored.

Dear Imy, I am so so sorry to hear about fluffy-bum. Personally, I just love chooks. I don't have any myself but I made friends with an old pensioner couple a few streets away so I could go visit their 18 chooks. My children and I stand at the fence and throw them vegie scraps and it's the highlight of our week. Plus the man gives us a dozen fresh eggs every Friday for $2.00. God bless him! Chooks are lovely. I am definitely a bird person. That's a wonderful idea to plant a tree in her honour. I know you'll never forget her. RIP sweet fluffy-bum.

Kozpink and Jaybeecee, THANK YOU. I know I keep saying this but really I do mean it. I went to sleep last night thinking about the comments on this board and almost was afraid to check this morning. Unaccustomed as I am to being an emotional wreck, this is about the only place I have to go right now. I have my suspicions who this Boo n Poo person is but I'll leave it at that. Josh and I are training every morning for an hour or so, until he gets sick of it, then in ten minute intervals every hour after that. The breeder came over yesterday to have morning tea with me, with her husband. She said I need to have more confidence or he will train me not the other way around. He is the sweetest, loveliest little non-bitey budgie. I just don't want to frighten him in any way. I KNOW he's not a dog but the love is the same. And thanks yes I will post a photo as soon as I can get him to sit on my finger without flying off. And I DON'T hate dogs, not really, just don't want any around here for a while. My husband and I are considering starting a pet loss/grief support group. Dear OH has university degrees in psychology, social work and counselling (I have nothing) so he would be a great facilitator. I can make the tea and coffee and lend a sympathetic (empathetic?) ear. It has surprised me that there is just nothing in Brisbane you can go to, and when you are feeling so empty, any shoulder to cry on or just a cup of tea & a chat with someone who UNDERSTANDS would have been of great benefit. I have a friend who is a foster person at the RSPCA so I will contact her on Monday to see what she thinks. If they can have a similar group in Victoria, surely they can do it in Queensland too. Now I understand people whose children die and then they start foundations in their memory.

Thanks Grey! By the way I have been trying to send you a PM for a few days but your inbox is full.

Gee, boo n poo, such positive words of encouragement! In my experience, only other animal people would understand this level of grief and loss over the death of a pet you loved. In this respect, yes it is wise to seek encouragement from like minded individuals on a forum like this. As for thinking you "mean and harsh", gee whiz, after such negative comments, why would I think that???? I always remember being taught, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. As we all get older grief and loss happens more often, but the excruciating pain of fresh grief is soul destroying. Cliches like "get on with life" just don't work. But I am trying my best, as are the rest of my family. Moses was MUCH loved.

Oh Liberty! Yes I know, I really know that feeling. I can't shake the sick feeling right in the pit of my stomach, it's there all the time. I know exactly how your OH felt. The only time I have seen my dear husband cry was when our dog died. He didn't even cry at his mother's funeral! We are pretending life goes on here, but it doesn't. I try to cry when no-one's looking but it doesn't always work. The new budgie, Joshua, still isn't overly keen on me. Coming from Moses who loved me SO much and would seek me out wherever I was. I called him my velcro budgie. Always on my shoulder, my arm, my back, if I shooed him away he'd fly in a circle and come straight back again. How I took that for granted!!!!! Still can't believe it, still not coping at all. I have three books on grief, including two on pet loss, I've been on every pet loss/grief and loss internet site and nothing's helping. Even been in touch with two grief counsellors and NONE of their survival tips are working. My doctor is on holidays until February so I couldn't get any drugs even if I wanted to (I don't really). And I don't drink so I can't go and drown my sorrows that way either. What I want is to find someone whose budgie was killed and have them tell me HOW THEY MANAGED TO KEEP GETTING UP IN THE MORNING!!! Ever feel like you're in a vortex, being sucked down further and further and you have no fight left? Sorry if you think I'm being dramatic, I'm not trying to. I've joined a budgie forum to see if that helps. How do other people cope? How about people who lose their child or children in an accident? What happens to them? I know there's no short cut through grief and it happens to everyone but THIS IS SO PAINFUL. You almost understand people who say they don't have pets because they're afraid of getting too attached to them. Almost. Janette

OH Lily's mum, we never forget them do we? I now have THREE urns sitting on my desk, two dogs and one budgie. If only there was some way around death. I don't deal with grief very well. Look after yourself. Your darling doggie loved you so and wouldn't want you to be sad.

Oh Tudor's mum, that is a beautiful horse! I am so terribly sorry and I can empathise what you are going through. My darling budgie died on the same day as your horse. What a terrible hole in your life this will leave! I wish I could get to you and wrap my arms around you so we could weep together. I had an old pastor friend come to visit me yesterday, he didn't even know we were grieving. He said about new beginnings. I fought and cried and said I liked the old, I didn't want the new!!! But you and I are going to have to face the new year without our beloved friends. How will we cope? As best we can. I can only believe that as all life comes from God, surely all life goes back to Him as well. My mother always said that if there were no animals in heaven, it would be a very boring place. The Bible talks about horses in heaven, did you know that? In the book of Revelation. I don't know much about the other world religions. Hang in there, dear friend. Though I have never met you, I am here for you. Janette

Crash Test Dummy, I had to smile when I read your post. Josh and Moses! And I haven't smiled in days. Thank you! Haven't cried yet today. Josh sat on my finger for about ten minutes this morning (in the cage) but I've tried again since then and he still tries to get away. I've decided to spend all my time with him, training, surely the more time I spend the quicker it will happen. I don't want to be one of these people who is still trying to bond in six months time. THANK YOU guys for listening to me waffle on. Even though I haven't met anyone from this forum, and you're all dog people, you're so kind to put up with me. My dear husband is still away and I don't cope well on my own. I am trying not to hate dogs, and this from a person who all her life has preferred dogs to people. I hate grief, it sucks. Janette

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH, I really really appreciate your kind words and thoughts. I'm trying hard to be a little better today. Counting my blessings etc. Trying not to focus on the loss, but to go forward. My goodness it's so hard. AFter my dog Rusty died in September, I thought I'd never have to visit Rainbow Bridge again for many many many years. I still keep thinking "if only I'd kept Moses at home, put him in his cage, cleaned the blood off his beak and let him sit there and calm down". I'm sure he'd still be alive. Stupid bloody vet. Never should have taken him to the vet. Moses was SO full of life and so bold and bossy, I never thought for a minute he'd actually die. Today we had a old pastor friend drop in, dear old soul, haven't seen him in a long time and we certainly weren't expecting him as he lives in NSW. After an hour or so of polite conversation, I couldn't keep the tears in any more and just started bawling, as I now do constantly. My husband had to explain and this man managed to find words of comfort. Something about Moses (the prophet in the Bible) going up to the mountain, and God taking him home, he didn't come down again. His people had to have a new beginning. Had to let go of the old. The new leader was Joshua, who took them into the promised land. So Pastor Brian thinks Joshua would be a good name for the new little un-named budgie. Yesterday I thought maybe Jacob, but Joshua sounds okay. I just wish he would like me, he tries to run away when I put my finger up for him to sit on. And I can't remember how long it took to train Moses but I do remember I gave him all my time, all day every day. So I can only do that again I guess. But I'm scared, what if it doesn't work? What if he just hates me and wants to stay in his cage forever? This new budgie is just the only thing that's keeping me sane, that and the thought that I HAVE to go on, and I HAVE to get up tomorrow morning, and the morning after, and the morning after that etc. I've even joined a budgie forum to try to get some training hints. I feel like such a klutz, my best friend is killed and I can't remember how I trained him. I wish I could go to sleep for about six months and wake up when the pain is gone. Janette :D

Trying hard to breathe and carry on here. You know how you're an empty shell, numb, with nothing inside, but you have to keep your legs walking and you keep going through your daily chores forcing yourself to keep moving? That is me. Today is two days without Moses. The breeder I bought him from, a family friend, has given me a five week old baby budgie and he is the splitting image of Moses. My knees nearly buckled when I saw him. So he's in Moses' bird palace (it's not a cage, it's a palace, huge thing, full of toys and perches and everything) and I'm TRYING real hard. I keep talkign to me but he doesn't seem to like me much. I vaguely remember three years ago when I got Moses that he tried to get away from me and he didn't like me much either. So maybe this will work out. I have had to get out my two budgie training books again and try to remember how I did it. I don't know if I trained Mo or he trained me. And the worst of it is, I can't think of a name for this baby. I've tried Baby or Sweetie but that doesn't work. I thought maybe something else Biblical like Noah but that doesn't work either. Poor little no-name budgie. Such a tiny little baby. AT least I have a focus I guess. One thing I am really upset about (one MORE thing??) is that there doesn't seem to be alot of grief support for pet less. Internet sites sure but not physical actual pet loss grief therapy. A support group would be a big help right now. The RSPCA in Victoria has one but I'm in Brisbane. I thought about starting one but I'm not qualified and I've never led a group before anyway. I just keep thinking there's got to be a way to make this pain die down, there has to be.

Thank you guys, I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I just wanted someone to talk to. My husband had to go away this morning and I'm here on my own, with my grief, and it all seems too overwhelming. There will be people I'm sure who will say "oh it was just a budgie, go buy another one, they only cost $20" or something, but there will never ever be another little mate like him. I'm not good with grief. I remember this feeling when Rusty died and I thought that was it for me for a while. I have all the books on pet loss and grief already and they don't help. All I need right now is unconditonal love and I won't get that till my darling OH gets home. Thanks for listening.

All my life I have been passionate about dogs, loved them, prefered them to people. But yesterday, an old dog we were looking after killed the most precious thing I had ... my budgie Moses. My elderly dog died in September and Moses was all I had. He and I spent all day every day together, he chatted, he kissed, and now he's DEAD!!!!! AND HE WAS ONLY 3. We were all here, it happened so fast, please don't flame me. I am just beyond myself with grief and I don't know where to run. My husband says "no more dogs" so that's it. No dog fostering, no dog minding, no dog anything ever again. After Rusty died, I still had Moses, now I have nothing. God how I wish there was a rainbow bridge.