MsDani

The pain is starting to set in now!

He's gone and I'm unbelievably numb...

DP is going to make the call - Oh god... Even though it's shattering my heart to pieces, I know it is right - especially when he just woke up and I just had to give him his pain med.

I'm sorry for asking all of these questions - but I need to talk to people who understand. This is my first dog love and I've never had to deal with this before... People IRL have never really understood the connection I have with him. I have struggled for 15 years to have a child and that's why I got him - To help ease the pain. Now I am still childless and he is dying.

I think I'm not coping because I know no matter what I do, I will lose him in the end. He has always come running to me when he's sick/scared - but this time I can't fix it. Past 4 weeks I've tried to make it better for him.

I feel like because I am not copping I am failing him.

It is wrong to do it because I'm not coping?

This is what's making it soooo much harder, he's not showing me any 'signs' - if only he would I know what I have to do, but because he's not showing me anything, it's like I'm forcing him when he's not ready. ETA: he ate last night, and was so comfortable.

I just spoke to the specialist because he is showing signs he is interested in food, but when he goes to eat it, it's like he's feeling sick and goes and has a drink. Our last ditch effort is that she is calling my local vet so I can get him down there tonight to give him an injection for nausea. If he doesn't eat by tomorrow morning... I can't even type it, let alone say it!

WSM - when they did the U/S, both times, it had shown it had grown but wasn't showing anywhere else. The problem is that he's had symptoms of Gastric Ulcer (he was on Metacam for about 2 weeks before that). Just over 2 weeks ago, he had a big bleed which saw him hospitalized over night - and since then he's been in pain and food intake has gone down dramatically. He has lost 1.5kg's in 4 weeks (I know the majority of that has been in the past 2 weeks) he weighed 9kg. The medications I was given for the Gastric Ulcer isn't working. I did have the option of taking him back for the endoscopy - but I don't want to put him through any more tests. Everytime he comes back from testing he declines even more - Xray 2 days later had a major bleed, First U/S he came back home with vomitting and diarrhea (big bacterial infection), 2nd U/S (on Wednesday) he stopped eating and has only started to show more interest in food. ETA - also the U/S from Wednesday showed thickness to the lining of his bowels, which they didn't mention on the first U/S.

Yep that's what I've been doing - any thing and everything. He ate half of my chicken kiev last night (minus the sauce and crumbs - most he's eaten in one sitting in weeks) he loved it. But unfortunately he threw it up again this morning - his tummy didn't digest it properly - and because of that, his morning medication came up to. My boss has allowed me to work from home today, so I can be with him, and he has a small amount of Roast Chicken. I also managed to pick up the wet food (low fat one, I couldn't find the one designed for the liver) and also Advanced (I think that's what it's called) chicken and rice one. He did have a lick of it, but that was it. I'll try again tonight. He came to the window and a massive waggy-tail hello was given to me when I walked in. He's now sound asleep in his bed next to me. God this is so hard...

Thanks Jules I'll pick some up today - I'll try anything atm. He does have his 'senior' biscuits here, but he won't eat them. If I get the Hills food, will it be safe for my female dog to eat as well? JIC she gets into it?

I did the whole panick thing tonight - 'what if they can fix his tummy problems - then we can have him a little bit longer' etc etc But I know that if they could fix his tummy problems, it would have been fixed by now with all the medication. I know he's not responding to it, hasn't been responding to it, that is why we had the specialist appointment. If by some miracle the tummy problems correct themselves, it's only a matter of time before the cancer in his liver takes hold. He had an ultrasound done wednesday week ago and then the one yesterday had already shown it had grown. It's also heartbreaking atm as he comes running if he can't see me. He's ok with DP for a little bit, but then comes looking for me.

I just wanted to come back on and say thank you to each and everyone of you. I have been on a couple of times today, just reading, coming to terms with it all. He's had a pain free day today, he been quite relaxed and comfortable, now that he's been given the pain medication! He's been following me around, we went for a walk (though it broke my heart that he didn't get far at all) and we've been sitting in the sun or laying on the couch for most of the day. Alot of tears from me. My partner and I spoke about it, he wanted us to have a week with him (only if he wasn't in pain and started eating more) but, even though he was comfortable and relaxed today, he still wasn't showing any real interest in food. He's lost enough weight over the past 4 weeks, I can't allow that to happen to him.

You will see I have done another post here (and will see what he has been through the past couple of weeks) - but today I found out that my beloved dog has cancer and I'm absolutely devastated. He is my first dog love. It is cancer in his liver, they said they could operate to remove it, but before they did that they need to do more tests to make sure it hasn't spread elsewhere. Then have chemo - but it will grow back. Or they said that could do another treatment (honestly can't remember what she called it) where is may stop the growth and give us more time. or pallitive care But what I want to know, how do you make the decision when there is a struggle going on between your head and your heart? My head knows that he has been through a lot, he's lost weight, he's not happy - but my heart wants him here forever, I don't want to let go. I keep on thinking if they can stop the pain (they have issued me with pain meds now) that will give me more time with him, but I know that I'm being selfish in doing that - and I don't know if I can cope seeing him like this. When do you know it's time? when do you make the decision? how do you just pick and day? I don't even know if this is making any sense? I'm struggling with it!

He's booked in for Wednesday to see the specialist. He was also put onto AB's on Friday night (1/2 tablet twice daily) which seemed to stop the diarrhea (well the liquid stuff) and down to one a day now. Managed to get a stool sample to them yesterday morning and it came back that he had a high count of bacteria in his stool, so he's on 1 tablet 3 times a day. He had quite a bit of food last night and then some this morning. It's all up down up down atm.

Disappointed with the clinic, called them yesterday after work to find out when the appointment was for the endoscope/fine needle - and it hadn't been done. Now they can't find out until Monday and then it will most probably be another couple of more days. He's also back on AB's and no diarrhea last night, but then again, he doesn't have alot in his tummy atm!

Yep it's Losec because of the 'suspected' Gastric Ulcer.

He had diahrrea twice through the night. I'm aboslutely knackered - I hate to think how tired he is. I went back home at lunch time and he hadn't done anymore. They gave me some probiotic powder yesterday when I picked him up and I put it in his water last night. The only thing I can think of that has changed in the past day or two is that he stopped the carafate - so I'm picking up some more tonight and starting that again. He still on the Losec (I think that's what it called and he'll be on that for 4 weeks) My main concern atm is sorting his tummy out. I have asked them to book him in for the Endoscope as he has to be referred for that and also if they can do the fine needle biopsy at the same time. It will be less traumatic for him if they can do it at the same time. Hopefully they'll call me soon to let me know when he's booked in. I'll keep you updated on when I know more

It's been 2 hours since he did the vomit/squirts and he hasn't done any more. He's also had a drink about 1.5 hours ago and has kept that down. *touch wood* I'm actually wondering if it was caused by stress because he spent the whole day at the vets? Last night when I got home from work, I couldn't believe (and neither could DP) how excited he was to see me. He was yapping at the window and then DP opened the door and came running out to me wagging his tail. It was awesome. Since he's been home from the Ultrasound and since the vomit/squirts, he hasn't shown any signs of being in discomfort.

The Ultrasound was done today - but we now have another problem... 1 - they couldn't find the source of what is causing his pain, so an endoscopy will need to be done. They are still thinking Gastric Ulcer. 2 - They found a little mass on his liver - they seem to think it's benign but they won't know until they do a biopsy. I also just brought him home and he had a bad case of diarrhea and he vomitted. He's now had another drink and I'm just waiting to see if that stays down. He wasn't sedated today. the past couple of days he's had a 'squirty' bum, but only once a day - now he's done another one and vomitted. Las thing he needs is to loose more fluid.

That made me giggle - the other night he found the pill in a piece of chicken I gave him, spat it out and then it disappeared. I was worried my female dog had gotten it and then looked at my male and it was stuck on his nose. Couldn't help but giggle at that.

Thank you H :) I just got home and I got an excited bark and a waggy-tail welcome, (didn't last long), but it was enough for now! He's always been terrible (even the vet commented on it) with giving him medicaiton - but since he's been sick he hasn't put up much of fight until tonight! I gave him the carafate (dissolvable tablets and given via syringe) I had to rub his neck to get him to swallow it. Is that the right way to do it - rubbing his neck?

Thanks for that information :) He's booked in for Wednesday. The original specialist couldn't get there this week, so they got another one. I've been itching since yesterday to find out when he can get the Ultrasound and now that I know, I feel sick. But then again, it better to know than not know. Also doesn't help that this all started right smack bang in the middle of fertility treatment - so the horrormones are full on atm.

Wow that comment scared me - I thought 'OMG have they given him the wrong medication - is he going to bleed again?' I gave him the Tramadol before we went to bed last night and he had the best sleep he's had in days (I've had him in bed with me since he's been home so I can keep a close eye on him) He also ate some diced beef as he wouldn't eat the chicken (I guess he's over the chicken now), he also wouldn't eat it raw so I fried it up (no oil) ju! He was a bit uncomfortable this morning and had a tummy upset, but no blood. I'm back at work today and will be heading home during my lunch break to see how he is. I'm still waiting for the vet to call on when I can take him in so they can do the Ultra Sound. Will update you when I know more. Thank you so much for the support!