MsDani

Hey Little Man Reality has set in! Just now I was walking around the backyard to look for the ball for Little Miss and it was 'I'm never going to be able to say 'Where's your ball?' to you again! I'm never going to see you again!' Tears are falling... Moon, Stars and Back!

What's a reputable one in Western Australia? I'm hoping to get one that has been fostered so that way I have an idea on personality.

Ok I have given this a bit more thought. We love JR's, they are my heartdogs, but... We would like something a little quieter and little more independant. When I orignally got my 2 JRx's my XH worked nights and I worked days - so someone was home, bar and hour or 2 a day. Now I'm with DP we both work FT, so I don't think that's ideal for a JR as it will be on it's own (with another dog) for a min of 8 hours a day (not including the weekends) So we would like something around that size (only because we don't want to have to fit a bigger doggy door). Something that doesn't require grooming everyday - but doesn't shed a lot of hair (my Male JRx shed alot of hair). Something that is fairly easy to train. Something that will be independant, but also doesn't mind snuggling.

A week ago today I held you for the last time... My most cherished photo of you, taken at the beginning of this year. This is how I will remember you. I tried so hard to get you to look at me this way in the last 4 weeks of your life, but you never did! Moon, stars and back!

Love this place - you've given me questions that I hadn't thought to ask myself. I'll come back once I've given it some more thought on what I want in a dog. I also have to ask DP what he wants in a dog - should be interesting, as he's a farmer's son and has grown up with 'working dogs'. But one thing I do know, is that I need 'training' on how to train a dog - before I think of bringing home another dog. I know where I went wrong with my male (RIP) and my female, so I don't want to make the same mistakes again - there is more to it than 'sit' & 'stay'

I'm not ready to have a dog just yet - just thought it would be a good idea to do some research in the meantime. Our age is late 30's, my nieces/nephews come over quite a bit (babies through to teenagers). about 800sqm property with a small house. I work 38 hours a week. Dog will be part of our family and will have access to inside/outside. Standard walking each day through the week and more on the weekend. We currently have a female JRx 10 years old that is timid/submissive. Thinking a smaller breed only because we have a doggy door that is for a smaller breed :) Currently I've been thinking British Bulldog, Whippet (pro's and con's to these if you know?) Would would you suggest would be a good dog for us? Thanks :)

Brilliant idea. I'll leave a letter for them with my mobile number on it.

She was super excited to see me after work today - if she wiggled her bum anymore I wouldn't have been suprised if she fell over! :) I managed to get one of those treat ball things. We are trying to teach her how to use it, but because it's a toy, she's not really interested atm. But I think as soon as she realises it 'releases' food, it may be a different story. We have discussed this! (another thing to feel guilty about lol) - because she loves to 'mother' - but I don't know if it's too soon for me? I've been researching a little bit on what would be the best dog for us and her - be it a puppy or rescue - JIC I change my mind. I do like description of the British Bulldog - but their health problems concern me - or whippet or greyhound? But then again I don't know alot about these dogs, only what I have read. Any other suggestions? After JR's I think I'd prefer something a bit more quiet - but my heart still lays with JR's though.

Thank you teekay, coogie and BCPuppy. It does help, I think with time this will also help me to remember 'him' and not the 'sickness' - atm those memories are overpowering the others. I will put up a photo of him, but I still can't seem to look at them just yet.

Hey My Little Man I'm managing to get a more peaceful sleep, but the mornings are still hard. I managed to smile about you yesterday. I was talking about the fridge - how Daddy or myself or Little Miss could walk past it and it wouldn't move, but as soon as you did, it would wobble. How can that be? You only weighed 9kg's. But you never walked, you trotted like a horse. You carried yourself in a certain way, Mum always said you'd have made a perfect show dog. But she also used to ask you 'When are you going to grow into your ears?' - you didn't have the ears of a JR - they stuck straight up. I used to love twirling your ears gently with my fingers, and I know you loved it as well - I would always laugh when your eyes rolled backwards from sheer delight. I was thinking about the past couple of days and the guilt I have been feeling over making the decision. Here on DOL I wrote 'Is it wrong if I'm not coping?'. I know I wasn't coping - I was struggling because I admitted I couldn't save you, no matter what I did, I couldn't make it better for you. Admitting that hurt like hell. For 13 years, if you were scared or sick you'd come to me. I'd give you comfort, I'd make you feel better - But I couldn't this time. I tried for 4 weeks, but the medication wasn't working and then finding out you had cancer - oh dear god! If I hadn't of made the decision that morning, no one knows how long you would have lasted - but one thing I do know now, is that you would have gotten worse as each day went past. You were barely eating - you lost 30% of your weight in such a short space of time. As much as I wanted you here, I couldn't do that to you - I had to fight through my feelings and do what was right for you. One day I will feel peace with the decision. But I hope Mum and her dog Charlie were there to welcome you - I couldn't think of a better person, you loved her and she loved you. Always thinking of you - love you to the moon, stars and back!

Thanks for pointing that out :) - I don't want her to have tummy problems

Thanks :) At least if I get her a 'dianosaur' bone, she'll have trouble burying it LOL I also have those seashell pool things, I might fill it up with sand and hide some treats in there.

I've had my girl at work with me this week (we said goodbye to our male on Saturday) and today I'm dropping her off at home at lunch time! It's the first time she'll be on her own (without him or us) she's 10 - so today it will only be 4 hours - but will increase her time to more over the next couple of days. I'm expecting to have problems with barking (previously we had problems before, so we blocked her access to that side of the yard, caught her in the act etc etc) so I'm expecting that. But what can I do to keep her entertained? She's never been a toy dog, but is food motivated.

**I don't know if this is the right place, but I need somewhere to write to him** Hey My Little Man Tonight will be the 4th night I spend without you. Sleep is coming, but it is not peaceful and I find myself thinking and grieving for you in the early hours of the morning - I am tired, my soul is tired! I had an ‘ok’ day today. I cried, of course, but it didn’t feel like it was going to consume me. But then I got the call to ask what sort of urn we wanted for you. The grief hit me again then, it felt like someone had hit me in the stomach. Daddy and I looked at the urns, but the ones they had available weren’t ‘you’! But when we searched we found the perfect one. I got Daddy to help, I know he didn’t know you for as long as I did, but you were his dog as well! So we are going to get a basic one, for now, just so we can have you home with us and then lay you to rest in ‘your’ one when it arrives – it has a simple and unassuming beauty to it – perfect for you! It upset me today when they told me they only picked you up yesterday. It meant you were at the place that you didn’t like for longer. It broke my heart! But you will be home soon and I think I will find a lot of comfort in knowing that you are near us and at home - where you always felt safe and warm! Little Miss is wandering, looking, searching for you. Tonight she went bounding into the house to look for you. She also went bounding outside when Daddy came home and for a split second I saw the disappointment in her eyes when she didn’t see you get out of the car as well. I am still trying to come to terms with the last 4 weeks and our final goodbye – I am trying to replace those memories with the memories of you - not the sickness! Until I write again. I love you to the moon, stars and back!

I won't be able to get the ashes - I just can't! IYKWIM I can't ask DP, I asked him to do all the 'hard calls' on the weekend, and because my grief was so raw (and still is) I didn't see his and how hard it was for him as well! He only knew him for 5 years, but he was his 'mate'! But I think, once his ashes are here, then I will know he's 'home'! A friend offered to pick them up if it was too hard for us. Bless I want to put a picture up of him - but I can't bring myself to look at them just yet!

I had a bit of an irrational panic yesterday that they were going to call me and tell me that it wasn't cancer. But DP managed to calm me down. I also found it hard to come home from work and not have his beautiful little face at the window. I have been taking my female into work with me as she is looking. In a couple of days I'll drop her back at lunchtime and gradually get her used to being on her own whilst we are at work. I was also having an 'ok' day today, don't get me wrong, the tears have happened but it didn't feel like it was going to consume me. Well that was until they called about what Urn we wanted for him. The grief just washed over me again - felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.

I will :) I think I'll take somebody in with me for moral support.

She's 10 and a JRTx - 9kg's.

Thank you for pulling me up - I know I have to put my fear/grief aside and take her to the vet. I thought of taking her to another vet, but with 'our' vet - they'll know and understand.

I noticed today my female is 'favouring' her right leg a little. She'll put weight on it, but every now and then she'll lift it up. I did notice yesterday that when I put her harness on, she was flicking her right leg, like the harness was hitting a nerve, so I loosened it off and it was ok after that. I know I need to make an appointment for her to get it checked out - but I only lost my male dog on Saturday after being PTS at the vet (you'll see my previous thread) and I'm so scared to go down there. She does have Prolet for her arthritis (she's had ACL surgery on both back legs 4 years ago - and she is only given it when she needs it) here, but after everything that happened with my little man, I'm absolutely petrified of giving her AI's and the 'other' fears. Is there any way I can work out where she is uncomfortable?

Thank you for that! I just need to work out how to work through this guilt I'm feeling. I also need to adjust life without him. I knew it would hurt, but I didn't think it would hurt THIS much! But I know with time it will heal - it will never stop hurting, but I will learn to 'accomodate' it! It's right up there with when I lost my mother to cancer - except I didn't have this kind of guilt to carry around.

I wanted to do another post - but I'm hoping someone might find this one helpful in the 'process'... But I wanted to know, what do I need to do for my female dog? She's never been away from him more than a night (2 were when she had surgies on her back legs and 1 was recently when he stayed in hospital over night) She is 10.

I'm sooo tired. Please tell me I will eventually be able to sleep and 'not see' yesterday? Please tell me the guilt I feel will ease and I will stop questioning everything?

Thank you!

I wanted to come on and thank each and everyone one of you for you words and thoughts. I just read through my posts and it seemed like such a quick decision - but I knew when I made the decision it HAD to happen, or I would have backed out. As you are aware I was really struggling with the decision, I was up since 4am coming to terms with it. I knew I had to do it - and you all helped me with the feeling of guilt I was struggling with! When he ate last night, the only thing he would eat was his favourite chicken necks, only one, and he loved it. But when he woke up this morning and was wobbly and then groaning with pain, that confirmed it for me - His favourite food, and the only thing he wanted to eat, was hurting him. I gave him his pain medication and he became comfortable again - which made my decision even harder. When the pain medication kicks in, it is so easy to slip into denial! I just had to write that down, because I know I'm going to 'question' what I did today (it's only natural?) - and I need this to remind me that I couldn't do anymore for him - that if I kept him here longer, each day was going to get worse and worse for him!